Hi to all who read this..I'm new to this and just felt the urge to say how much reading everyone elses blogs helps get through. My mum has the lung cancer and I'm just trying to get my head round everything from finances, living arrangements and every day living. I have five children and live 50 miles away from mum, she was diagnosed in October and has declined rapidly since, she has oxygen at night and cant go anywhere unaccompanied. She lives in a second story flat so im trying to move her in with us. Trouble is, she is in complete denial which makes everything so much harder, not that its easy of course, it just makes me feel like the worst person ever for the thoughts I have in my head..anyone else out there with that?? You try talking funerals, wills and debt to someone who has their head buried in the sand..i
I dont want to have the conversation anymore than she does, but I feel like I've lost my mum already, she is tired all the time and obviously not willing to admit that she feels it. I feel like I want to bury my head and have everything go away but I cant do that.
You read all the other blogs and my heart goes out to everyone but also my heart soars when I read the positive comments from sufferers and families alike, its good to know we are not alone out there but also such a shame there are so damned many of us.
FormerMember
Hi L:ynnie
I am so sorry to hear of your mums diagnosis. I too have lung cancer, just like your mum I didnt want to talk funerals, wills & everything that goes with this terible disease. I have now come to terms with it all & have accepted that I am not going to be cured.
My cancer is a bit different to your mums as I was diagnosed in 2007 & had a full lung removed but since then It has come back in the other lung. I wish you all the best with your moving & when ever you feel like a chat pop in & say hello. There are some wonderful people on here & so supportive. You are there for your mum & I am sure that you will do everything possible to help her through this difficult time. Macmillen Nureses are also very helpful (has your mum been seen by one) & I have great support from mine financially & otherwise. Good Luck & thinking of you. ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) Lyn.
My heart goes out to you it really does - is it possible for you to perhaps have some time alone with your mother, in a coffee shop or something so that you can broach the subject with her in a way that she can't avoid? We had a really good lung cancer nurse at our hospital after my mum was diagnosed and although we didn't really need her services, she was available to us - perhaps you have the same at your hospital, it is certainly worth trying to contact oncology and asking.
I will be thinking of you as you go through this difficult time and I hope you can get through to your mum, as my mum was so accepting of what was happening to her and very peaceful about it all. We sorted out her will, discussed funeral arrangements and transferred funds to the relevant joint account to cover costs as my mum was really worried about the money side of things - I don't know why, I loved her so much - I couldn't have cared if I'd had to finance all of the funeral arrangements! I am very grateful to my mum that she accepted her fate so graciously - it must be awful for you to have the denial situation, but maybe this is your mum's way of dealing with it when she's with others, and when alone she is fearful? Try to get that time alone with her to talk about it.
I wish you all the best and will be thinking about you xx please feel free to personal message me if you want to ask any questions (and I don't mind how frank you want to be).
I'm not in your position but have an aged father (not much wrong with him but he's 88 for heaven's sake) who hates to talk about funerals etc. So if they won't discuss it, you have to assume that you can choose what to do when the time comes. I wouldn't worry too much about debts. If your mum dies with debts, you won't be obliged to pay them although they may have to come out of her estate. My late husband died with a load of debt and I just told everybody that I had no money to pay up and that was the end of that. As to the will, that's probably a bit more important as you really won't want to be messing about with probate. So I think you need to enlist a MacMillan nurse. They're used to dealing with all this stuff and will probably make a lot more headway than you can, being as you're emotionally involved.
It's a bit of a bugger isn't it? Have you got enough room to move her in with you? It's going to be a bit of a squash with 5 kids. Also a lot of hard work for you. Have you looked at the possibility of getting her into a hospice near you?
I don't suppose I've been much use but good luck any way.
Hi Lynne I'm the mum with lung cancer in our family, and unfortunatley for me its my youngest son who's got his head in the sand, and whilst my eldest son dosn't seem to have fully grasped the idea that I'm going to die sooner rather than later, he will at least let me say it with out telling me to" shut up its not that bad." So I at least know how frustrated you feel, from a patient's point of view it may be best to allow your mum to come round to the idea on her own, even though this means that she won't come to live with you and that will be difficult, but if you ever need to talk you'll find me on here. Good luck.
