It will be a month on Friday since you left us. It will also be Rebecca's 16th birthday that day. We will try to make it as special as possible for her whilst also remembering you. She misses you so much, she tries to be brave in front of her friends at school, but at home, late at night I hear her crying for you. I was so proud of her, reading at your funeral, I hope you were proud of her too.
Dad is coping, just........ There was a power cut the other day, it took him an hour to work out how to reset the clock on the microwave and oven! He is mastering the art of ready meals, and how to hoover round the house. Luckily most of his clothes can go straight from the washer into the tumble dryer and back in his wardrobe - the iron stays firmly in the cupboard - no more ironed vests and underwear for him!
He is trying to ignore Christmas as much as possible. For the first time in years it was meant to be just him and you, and thats the way he wants it to stay. I can't let him spend the whole day on his own but I can understand why he doesn't want to come with us, I must admit I would be quite happy to let this one go by without any fuss either.
I have my good days and bad - it doesn't take a lot to set me off. There have been countless occasions in the last four weeks that I have wanted to pick up the phone and tell you something, from good things to bad.
We laid your ashes to rest on Sunday, in a freezing cold, snowy churchyard. We will come and see you Christmas morning as we have done every year.
The costumes for the Christmas show are being made - not to your standards of course, you will always be the official dressmaker, and I will be there for the first performance on New Years Day, sat where you should be watching the girls and tutting at them if there costumes aren't fastened right! The thousands of costumes you have made over the years will be seen for many more countless years. You were so proud of seeing Rebecca and the girls on stage both here and on the West End stage at Her Majesty's Theatre in your creations.
I'm sure there will be much more I want to tell you as the days go by, just know that we all miss you with all our hearts
I love you mum xx
