Hello All,
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2009. I am scheduled to start chemo on September 10th. My husband and I know we will have to tell our 9 year old daughter something as she will start to notice my hair falling out along with other symptoms.
For those who have gone through this with younger kids, can you please share how you handled the matter with your kids? The clock is ticking and we know we will have to have that sit down talk. My husband and I want to be able to explain cancer to her without sending her over the loop with worry.
Thank you in advance for your feedback.
Fondly,
Luna
FormerMember
My eldest son was 8 when I was first diagnosed 2 yrs ago, I also have a daughter who was 3 and another son 2 at the time. When I was told I had breast cancer I asked my breast care nurse the same thing and she told me to be as honest with him(them)as I felt they could cope with. I told his teacher about my diagnosis and she gave me a couple of leaflets about this whixh we read together, there is also a fab website called winstons wish which is more for bereaved children but it has excellent guidance on how to talk to your children about serious illness. Including all the dos and donts!!
I talked to my eldest child in his room when I was diagnosed, it was early evening on the day I got my results. I told him I had found a lump in my breast and been to hospital for some tests over the past couple of weeks. I told him that I had breast cancer and then asked him if he knew what cancer is. He said he did kind of, that its an illness. I told him in very basic terms about cells in our body, what they do, how they reproduce and that cancer forms when this goes wrong. I told him I was going to have an operation, which for me was a mastectomy and I told him what this meant and he has now seen my scar and prosthesis but thats because thats what I feel comfortable with him seeing/knowing. The little ones have seen it too. I think it is up to you what you tell your daughter about surgery, you know her better than anyone but I think it takes away some of the fear if they see its actually not that bad. Stay with me as I know this seems alot to bombard them with in one go but I think if you explain as much as you can it will then allow them to ask any questions which arise and for us this continued for a few days then stopped as if they had all digested it and were ok with it!
I told him after surgery I was going to have chemo and that I may feel tired, sick and lose my hair but that it would grow back. I didnt go into radiotherapy etc as that was along way off and I could explain about that nearer the time. He has been to the Macmillan unit where I have my treatment too which I think makes him feel included. I have never hidden anything from him and always answer his questions as honestly as I can. No matter how hard...again the winstons wish site is great for this. I have told him all the way through that I will tell him everytime I have an appointment or scan and that I will tell him the results. I have also told him he can talk to me or dad anytime(or anyone else he wants to) and ask us anything. He has seen me cry and I have told him its ok to cry and be scared and be angry or even not to think about it at all if he doesnt want to. He has handled it like a very mature young man and I for one think its because we are open. I know everyone says it but children really do know when you are hiding something. Besides if they catch me blubbing they give me a hug and I feel much better. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best with talking to your daughter.
