LOST, LONLEY AND CONFUSED AND SO ANGRY mum was diagnosed with grade 4 terminal brain cancer in January of this year, we went to Christies two weeks ago both my dad and me, didn't take mum as its now to much for her, she just gets so tired and aggressive, and confused that we decided not to take her. We saw mums consultant and she said that there is nothing else can be done. She asked us if we wanted to see the latest MRI scan, but she said it was quite horrific as its the most aggressive cancer she has seen for awhile, but I had to see I needed to know what was responsible for changing mum so much. And I cant get the picture out of my head it was just so awful. This tumour has robbed us as a family of the most amazing women. And I miss my mum so much. She is so aggressive, rude violent, and sometimes the things she says to us are vile, my poor dad just looks so ill, he is now sleeping on the floor downstairs next to mums hospital bed every night, he is with her 24/7, he has been offered carers for the night but does not want them he wants to take care of mum himself, so I feel like I am loosing both of them. We ask the questions but get so many different answers no one ever says the same thing, I have asked how long mum has and its so out the ball park some say 3 months some say 6mths and some even say 14 months. We were told her speech will go first, then her mobility, then she will sleep a lot and then fall asleep and not wake up. She says she has no pain but don't think she understands that concept. And I am so up in the air its un true, my nerves in tatters, every time the phone goes I think its my dad, and when he does call I hold my breath just in case. I go down everyday and she seems so well only for the above symptoms. And I think she is doing so well even the district nurse says she is confusing them as she should not be doing the things she is. And for that split sec I forget but I am soon brought down to earth with a almighty bump, and its all so real again. Cant remember what it was like to sleep without one eye on the phone at night, scared my dad will call and I am a sleep and miss the call. We have decided that mum will be at home till the end, but starting to think is this all to much to ask of my dad, I have offered to stay but he says no. He is such a stubborn bugger, and thinks its his place to care for mum on his own. So all I can do is sit and watch and wait.
