Well I have done it, I have had the conversation I have been dreading for weeks. I sat down with my boys (8 and 4) on saturday afternoon, and explained to them that Granny is not well and has been in England for a while to have medicine, but now the medicine has stopped working and the doctors cant make her better any more, so probably fairly soon she will go to be with polly (the cat) in heaven, and that I will be very sad when this happens and that they should not be worried if they see me crying and it is ok to talk to me about Granny and ask any questions they might have and I will answer them as best I can. I told them it is fine to be sad and that crying is good sometimes. We talked about some of the things Granny has done in her life like travelling and spending time with her boys (mine and my sisters) and what a wonderful life she has had so far. My eldest boy got upset and was trying not to cry, his little brother hugged me and told his brother its ok to be sad. Mum asked me not to go and see her on saturday as she was not up to visitors, but I went on Sunday, and she looked awful, she can barely get off the couch. Dad is back in th UK today and they were meant to be going for a picc line flush but she does not feel up to it, I am dreading that this is the start of her decline getting through the day without tears is becoming impossible. At a christening on Sunday I sat with the babies mother, my best friend and a mutal friend of ours, all three have lost a parent to cancer in the last four years the most recent being in march this year. We pondered on whether in 20 years time it will be our children suffering through the emotions we are all struggling with at the moment and it will be one (if not more) of us that will be fighting the disease. Praying every day for a cure, it is too late to save our parents, but can we save our children this heartache until we are all very elderly and have had enough time on this earth. It is so hard to find sympathy for the friend who is upset over her 102 year old grandmother being poorly in hospital, I know it is sad for her but it just seems so unfair to me if that makes me a complete B*&$h then so be it I am in no mood for it.
