Isn't sleep lovely??
Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, the bone marrow biopsy day. I left the last blog, then as I was about to tuck into bed, felt sick; it seems maybe a dodgy sandwich ma have set me off, but I filled a bedpan (remember they left me a stack to measure my wee?) with a days worth of vomit. Haven't felt right since! Anyway, Thursday had a couple of visitors, with more books! :) Also had to lie on one side as I was indeed feeling as Sandra the nurse had described.. as though I'd been kicked like a horse!
Also wanted to share all my experiences with my mother but knew it would add to tension and had to wait. More cwtchs from Deri Thursday evening! :) (Just remembered - Mum also got her bouquet last weekend, Pam helped me sort it out.)
Friday was a quiet day so I slept, which was fab. Didn't eat much as the hospital food seemed to get worse this time in, plus feeling nauseous anyway.
Megz and her b/f turned up again Friday, with tales of tense atmospheres. I began to think how I could split up the week next time so my mum and stepdad don't need to have the kids all week, because it just knackers them out! Mum, Bry & Deri turned up as well, looking tired! Ok, shall we go over the pro's and cons of being a single parent again now??
Came home Saturday, feeling ok but queasy. Bryan tried to rant about the kids' behaviour but I soon shut him up - wtf?? Timing dear man, timing!! Proves how overtired they were, how my mum's stress can impact on him etc, otherwise he wouldn't have tried ranting as I'm hanging out of his car window. Plus, teens ARE often moody or grunt at you, and 7 yr olds are hard work , PLUS, maybe my 3 girls were stressed too and being a bit gruff or hyper occasionally is probably expected, no?
So, sat down with a cuppa, all kiddies out, and told mum and Bryan everything. So that's out of the way. Told Bryan the holiday in May may not be able to happen due to SCT (stem cell transplant, look at me with my abbreviations), or perhaps swap names or something. Mum wondered of B and D would still want to go without me. I have reservations - 1) B would prob go if M there too as they could hang out etc, but B won't want to always do stuff with D when D doesn't want nan to do it etc.
2) if B, god forbid, acts like a teenager whilst being a teenager, or Deri gets a bit full on, mum and Bry can get stressed and then there will be rows and recriminations. 3) if D and B DO play up unnecessarily, it will spoil nan and bry's enjoyment! 4) if I'm there I can smooth things over/ humour folk, or take my kids off and have a word if needed without needing to stress mum out etc.
Maybe they should take mum's sister and hubby and just lose the money for Deri, and my kids can go somewhere later in year, plus of we take Deri to Tenby one sunny weekend, she won't care where in the world the beach is!
Mum stayed here Sat night and cooked a lovely Sunday lunch, then headed off about 4. Monday I went back to sleep after D went to school, mum came over with a pan of bolognese for us to warm up later for dinner, and a nice fresh salad with prawns for lunch with fresh bread rolls. She is a star. Just wish we could remove that instant stress button, she'd be a lot happier too :)
I felt tired sore and grumpy Sunday, and veered between thinking 'ok, we're kind of half way there' and ' I don't know how much more I can take'. I was deflated, and nearly defeated, and I suppose just being so exhausted didn't help. But also, I had to acknowledge how traumatic last week was. A lot of things happened, physically and emotionally and mentally. It WAS good that I cried so much Tuesday and Wednesday, after all, it's good to be strong, but if you don't release stuff, you can't gather more strength for the next stint................ I have a lot of amazing support, messages and emails and visits full of love, and it is tremendously useful :-) YOU lot - you are just the BEST, keep me going through it all! :-)
I am feeling a lot more like myself today - I slept from 8.30am - 12.30 again ... as I said, isn't sleep wonderful...?
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