http://rayandmave.wordpress.com/
Another night where I cant sleep its because I have been thinking and worrying why my neighbour has acted the way she has.
I was maybe in the wrong that I should have left Dave and Ray and gone to see her but we were on our dog walk and I have to muster all my energy to do that, as I get the shakes on a walk , as I have often talked about.
Remembering our trip to Spain with the clear air in the Mountains
I then got to thinking that Im always so frightened about setting my nasty off and waking him up to carry on and do his worse.
I don’t talk about that side so much do I.
People keep saying how well I look and I do just want to look normal, be normal, as most of the time Iam normal, but then sometimes I feel so lonely as Im fighting a Cancer that there is no cure for.
I don’t give into the question “Why me” but always thinking how can I help people to understand, but then I don’t understand any of this myself.
I can only keep writing about how I feel and hope that will help others.
I get tired of the worry of how long have I got, all this “live for today” has made my world very artificial, as I strive to live a very selfish life where I do everything I want to do to make my life so exciting.
I have written a book, been in magazines and local papers and become almost a celebrity, how artificial is that and yet at the back of it all its because Im screaming “Bloody Asbestos please be aware how terrible it is and what a pretty name Mesothelioma for a dreadful disease” A word I never knew about until I heard it in the hospital 1.5 years ago.
I remember all my life as it plays in front of my eyes all the people I have met and all the places I have been to. The world is a wonderful place if you just live out your own life and stop worry about how others spoil it for you and yours.
If you are a caring person then you do try and speak up and say stop, so I’m saying stop, please stop and think of others and ban Asbestos Mines and also please find a cure for us.
We lost another warrior yesterday, so that’s 2 that we know of since Christmas and there must be so many more who are fighting tonight for a gasp of fresh air to fill their lungs.
So you see I feel set apart from the ordinary day to day that others around me in their Parkhomes are living.
They get up and do their housework and tidy their gardens go shopping and then sit around watching telly a lovely relaxing slow life while my life is flashing before me a rate of knots knowing that line 2 of Chemo is just round the corner.
Hey I have got very thoughtful haven’t I but maybe that’s how it goes that you have to let these thoughts out so that you relax and muster up the fight.
There are no set rules to this and its very rare that people sit down and write about how they feel but somehow I can and so I do and I hope that helps someone, somewhere to say, Yes that’s how I feel.
We are coming to a New Year again 2011 is here so my wish is that we all live the year to the best we know how and may it be a Healthy and Prosperous year for everybody.
Lets Raise a glass to a Happy new Year
