just wanted to express my thoughs and feelings.
Ok so was given the all clear in dec, and i though great can get on with my life.....wrong!!! i cant help but worry about everything and anything. the slightest lump bump or ache i get my mind goes into over drive and i think oh god its come back but somewhere else. Like now for instance, i have had some mild back pain on the right side for a few days. its not all the time, but i am just thinking the worse. i know it is prob just muscle ache or something, but still i am in panic mode, cant help it. at night i sometimes find myself feeling nervous to lay on my side incase i feel a lump in my right side or back in my left, so i end up sleeping on my back ( might explain the back pain!!!!) just to scared incase i find another lump, because thats how i discovered it in the first place at night in bed when i rolled over onto my left side.
i am on tamoxifen for 5 years and o zoledex injections. had chemo op and rads. is anyone else having these feelings?
I am just so scared about it coming back, dont think i could cope and i dread to think how my family would feel. i am trying to get on with my life,and half the time i am ok and i dont think about the past year, but at the mo its playing on my mind. my sister is going to have a baby, and so i really hope i am around for a long time to watch my little neice or nephew grow up, but the cancer coming back is always there in the back of my mind. I didnt realise that half the battle is what happens after cancer. didnt think it would be this hard to get back to normal. guess it is still quite raw and im still very scared about the future.
