Bit of a rant...

1 minute read time.

Apologies in advance for this blog update...I feel a rant coming on!

I'm sorry if anyone uses this phrase but I am so frustrated at hearing "sadly lost their battle to cancer", I understand that it's said from a very good place and people often don't know how to say things in times of death but it just makes me angry, in my opinion, the phrase insinuates that the person who has died, simply gave up! 

I have met and lost many people to cancer as well to other illnesses, but they never gave up, they wanted to live, they didn't say "oh hands up, you win!" 

I see this phrase used so much in the press and social media, the more it's said, the more insensitive I think it sounds to the person who has died family/friends, it's like saying "Oh blah, blah down the street won cancer, but blah blah didn't win." It's as if that person didn't try as hard...

If anything "the battle" continues when that person has died, the family/friends carrying on, because they have to, they carry on and complete things that the person who has died might not have started/finished such as travelling, setting up a new charity, fundraising etc

I'm not perfect, I know I will say things that other people find infuriating but it's just simply got to me today, maybe because my husband is incurable and I know one day I will have these condolence messages that fill up my Facebook.

I read Stuart Scott's (ESPN presenter, who died recently) quote about cancer today and it summed up my feelings perfectly...

"When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live"

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi MrsDJ,

    I can see why you and other people share this opinion.

    One of our blog entries Fighting the good fight: Is cancer a 'battle'? explores this idea of using battle terminology and why for some people it isn't right.

    Here at Macmillan we choose not to use the 'language of war' in order to appeal everyone using our services.

    Best wishes,

    Jess

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thanks for this Jess, I will take a read :)

    Feel better after the rant ha!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    That's exactly what ranting is for!

    We also have a group called The Roomwhich is specifically for it :)

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh, thank you for saying this, Mrs DJ. I absolutely agree - hate that battle talk. I never feel that it's a fight anyway - we just endure what we endure, taking each day and each new setback as it comes, and getting through them as best we can. And if and when we die, it's not because we laid down our arms and just gave up - of course it isn't. My husband was diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer, had surgery, recovered and is now five years down the line. Does that make him a better person than me because he won the fight and I'm incurable, therefore I'm losing it? Of course not.

    So good on you for having this rant, and I concur wholeheartedly.

    Love, dyad

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Mrs DJ I have recently lossed my husband. He did not battle/fight!!! he lived with the disease. He was aged 54. I too am so angry with the media attention/radio/papers/bags through the door. Tin rattles need I go on. We are trying to survive the loss of a loved one. Without having to be reminded of it 24/7. Insensitive and inhumane.

    Please allow us to grieve and who is there for us when we loose someone.. Diane