This is a question I never bothered to consider before Laing died. I have now discovered there are friends and then there are friends.
The reason for asking this question is because I have today met a lady who will soon be 93 that Laing and I first met in 1990. This time we have met again probably for the fourth time, but the first without Laing. Our relationship has consisted of the Christmas ritual of Jean sending us a Christmas card and Laing with his impeccable taste (which I will have to match or excel) sent a floral display, and Jean would respond with a letter of thanks. This would be repeated the following December.
Of course, this is a gross oversimplification, but has everything distilled to their true essentials. I was told by a mutual friend that the floral displays were always highly rated and that Jean was exited and looking forward to my visit. What I found so strange was that although we had not met for ten years, today we picked up the threads. That is the test of friendship. The threads may be ten years old and long, but they can be taken up afresh.
I was the guest of honour and I was introduced to some of her friends and her great nephew. One of her friends was a Brit who has lived in the US for some years. I surprised myself by telling stories which were embellished purely for humorous effect. As somebody who is quite often terribly shy, I play to an intimate audience with panache.
Jean gave me a gift which I was touched by, a photograph of herself at about the age of 5. As our American cousins say, “You do the math.” The photo is typical of its time, and yet knowing the almost 93 year old lady she became has added a layer and poignancy that is something only true friendship can offer. It is quite amazing where friendships exist and how they exist, though to ask why is fruitless. Neither party knows.
So here is a toast to friendships, be they separated by time or distance or both, as these bonds seem tighter than one can possibly conceive, as I have discovered.
