So here I am, nearing the end of the first bank holiday at home where I haven't run off to a European city since Laing died. It's time to take stock.
Friday when I got home I had a pleasant surprise from Lufthansa in the official form of my promotion from ordinary Miles and More status to "Frequent Flyer" status, with a lovely silver card and matching silver luggage labels. This is valid until February 2016. I get all kinds of extra perks, like cuddles in First Class. I'm only joking, but it is nice to think my expensive escapes and trip across the pond have given me an increased status and I don't need to worry about miles expiring at present.
Second I spent (relatively speaking a lot of) money I shouldn't have on Saturday. It will give me pleasure, I hope.
I seem to have chimed with others with one of my blogs. It's always pleasing to know if at least one person reads my crisp 10 pages (stop sniggering, Laing). When comments come from one's peers and those one respects, it is humbling.
Today I listened to Radio 4's "Fry's English Delight" which was about Rhetoric. I took exception that the word rhetoric is now used negatively. We used to use "empty" as the essential companion word when we felt rhetoric was being used merely to manipulate situations for the orator's benefit. As the programme developed, I realised my better posts use rhetorical devices, in which I have not been educated, I hasten to add, nor did I receive a Classical education. I certainly do not want to use rhetoric for vainglorious purposes, but to promote the belief there is something better in life after death, that cancer is not the be all and end all, that bereavement is not necessarily a loss.
Afterwards I went early-ish to Westfield at Stratford (a suicide mission if ever there was one) and bought a John Lewis wooden Venetian blind that was the right size, but not the right wood tinting (I don't care if it doesn't match the others). I installed on my own, hoping and praying it would be installed in exactly the same way as the one it was replacing. It is. Goddess was on my side. Laing, you're pulling all the strings for me there. I also installed it on my own, thanks to the good job you did in the first place Laing.
I also bought two new pairs of trainers that I don't need, but make me feel like I am sex on legs, though I'm more ex on legs, to be perfectly honest. I am in danger becoming a shoe collector of casual wear trainers, a collector please note, not a challenger for the Imelda Marcos pointless ownership of shoes competition.
I have also been particularly vain. "Male grooming" covers a multitude of sins, especially as the grooming is pampering oneself, promoting an image to oneself that is false, but providing reassurance. I know only too well I am behaving more like a teen or twenty-something twink (it's gay term, that can be slightly pejorative of a certain younger male type) rather than somebody the wrong side of fifty eight and three quarters (not that I'm counting). 20 years ago I would have been worried if I were looking like mutton dressed as lamb, now I don't give a tinker's cuss! Anyway, the fancy Gillette wet shaver I bought with little batteries that cause vibrations is rather good for part of the pampering.
I continue to eat only vegetarian or vegan options in my diet wherever possible. I don't miss meat that much, though I do miss fish a lot. I find the smell of bacon less appealing than before. Cheese is the real problem. The varieties of hard and soft cheeses are a pleasure I have enjoyed for some time. I am so loathe to give them up, but the knowledge that in this country alone some 200,000 (or more or less depending on the source) bull calves are slaughtered at birth as unwanted and surplus to requirements moved me to positively choose non dairy options. Although hideously expensive, I do enjoy my sweetened organic almond milk with my organic Weetabix. At least I have the wherewithal to afford it.
As I look back over the last seven months and a week since Laing died, yes, it really is that to the day (I did have to check how long it was before making the statement), I find I have moved on, I miss Laing, I am indulging my vanity, I miss Laing, I am becoming "Tim" and leaving "Tim and Laing" behind, I miss Laing, I am seeking a new life, I miss Laing, I am looking for the new me who will inhabit the New Normal. Yes, I miss Laing, if you hadn't realised, but he cannot be the focus of my life, I am now the focus, and there may even be another different focus in the future.
