I have said it enough times that even I am sick to death of hearing myself saying it, but following Laing’s death I have to find out who Tim is. He is no longer one half of Tim and Laing. Laing will always be part of Tim, and that is understood and accepted. So the transformation of Tim and Laing into Tim takes place.
I have restarted the gym, I have now been back three times and am enjoying lifting the weights again, even if I am only on the girly weights. I have to restart from somewhere.
I am enjoying getting a starter (all over) tan before I go on holiday. In the gym last night I noticed my shoulders no longer looked pale and I looked healthier. I also feel it. That extra dose of vitamin D has helped lift my spirits generally since the nights have started to draw in. I’m convinced even my knees don’t ache like they did. I will probably keep the tan topped up after, as I’m sure I will look like sex on legs!
Today is a big step forward for me. If there is one thing I can never forgive Goddess for (it can’t be God, no male would do this to another, except out of malice) is that as hair disappears from the top of the head it seems to sprout in unruly profusion elsewhere, nose ears, back. And on that subject, if there is one sight I find utterly repellent, it is a hairy back. Yuck, yuck, double yuck, yuck. I no longer have Laing’s criticism to face. I am sorting out that issue and few more under the general heading of body hair as well. If you ladies can indulge in body pampering, I say what’s sauce for the goose …
The next question is, what about the unfortunate problem of eyebrows? Individual hairs want to take on a colour of their own and grow out of proportion to the majority, others grow in strange directions. What is a self respecting guy to do about it? I cannot pluck out every grey hair, as I will be left with strange looking bald patches. Should I seek professional help? Do I need counselling? Or should I just go ahead, and add some colouring (I will need handy tips from you ladies how to achieve this) and/or get them trimmed in some professional manner?
Yes, this is all personal vanity, but I have decided even if I don’t end up in another relationship, there is no reason not took look after one’s appearance and show it to my advantage. The difficult trick is not to become mutton dressed as lamb. The last thing I want is to lose all sense of proportion and become akin to the hideous caricature of youth as exemplified by Thomas Mann’s Gustav von Aschenbach in Death in Venice. The preposterous appearance of Dirk Bogarde’s final make-up in Visconti’s film haunts and informs my thinking. Bogarde brings out, strangely through being so mute, the pain and anguish of his involuntary transformation to that of the elderly fop near the start of the tale. He is both elated at the youthfulness it gives him, but he walks with an old man’s gait. At that point, after the transformation when they meet, does Tadzio look at him pityingly or contemptuously? I have still not made up my mind on that.
I may not be turning into a young Adonis (more’s the pity) but into a not yet middle aged chap with a hell of a lot going for him in spite of everything. I have put away the old me for now, but he will be there should I need rescuing, but the new Tim pleases me in his evolution, thus far.
