When things happen, they happen. And every year, round about this time, when the heating has to come on for more than a quick blast in the morning to top up the hot water, because (as I may have already told you, dear reader) we were the laziest couple in Christendom, and I am trying to uphold that sacred trust, the annual foray into the attic had to take place.
One the radiators got turned back on, heaven only knows how it happens, but some water disappears out of the system. Now the header tank for that bit of the gubbins, Laing was more expert at this than I, has a ball cock that loves to stay in one position, either fully open or fully closed. So this year I had to do all the stages on my own, whereas it used to be a shared task. The process is now as follows (and I am sure you can work out where the team work bits made it easier if I don’t point them all out to you):
01 Get out the step ladder.
02 Erect (is that the right term?) the step ladder.
03 Ascend the step ladder.
04 Open the loft hatch.
05 Get the right wire for the right light (there’s more than one in the attic).
06 Feed wire out of the attic down.
07 Descend the step ladder.
08 Plug in the lights.
09 Ascend the step ladder.
10 Enter the attic through the loft hatch.
11 Make my way gingerly on the joists to the header tank.
12 Check how much/little water is in the header tank. If enough (fat chance), omit stages 13 & 14.
13 Open the tap to header tank and wait for the level to rise significantly.
14 Ensure there is no risk of the header tank overflowing, but still allow it to fill up.
15 Move back away from the header tank to the loft hatch.
16 Exit the attic via the loft hatch.
17 Descend the step ladder.
18 Turn on the heating.
19 Ensure the gurgling sounds have gone, if not, wait until they do. If they have, it’s time to return to the step ladder.
20 Ascend the step ladder.
21 Enter the attic through the loft hatch.
22 Make my way gingerly on the joists to the header tank.
23 Check how much/little water is in the header tank. If not enough (highly unlikely), return to stage 12 and go through the procedure again.
24 Close tap to header tank.
25 Ensure there is no risk of the header tank overflowing.
26 Move back away from the header tank to the loft hatch.
27 Exit the attic via the loft hatch.
28 Descend the step ladder.
29 Unplug the lights.
30 Ascend the step ladder.
31 Pull the wire back up into the attic.
32 Close the loft hatch.
33 Descend the step ladder.
34 Fold up the step ladder.
35 Put away the step ladder.
36 Wash oneself as appropriate.
37 Feel very smug that one has achieved this task on one’s own and not put foot through ceiling, or any other immediate error/disaster.
38 Blog about the experience.
39 Thank Laing for helping me through this.
40 Remind myself I used to think I had deserved a cigarette after doing this, and now I am so smug and self righteous having packed up for the longest ever time in my life that I wonder what treat I can give myself.
Answers, on a postcard, please, dear reader!
