I got a phone call this week from my hospital. There is a team doing research for breast cancer. They are trying to see if some fats and cancer are connected. They wanted to know if I would like to be part of it. I said yes. They mentioned an MRI, and because I had had one 5 years before, I thought it would be easy. Oh, I didn't know what I was getting into.
I went to the hospital in the morning. I had to fast for the blood test, but then had an MRI right after that. I tend to have low sugar when I don't eat my meals on time. Also, one has to lay on the front for this MRI table. There are holes for the breasts, but the position one is in is very uncomfortable. They also have a fan to help you keep cool, but it kept my feet cool alright, but not the rest of the body. I had forgotten that machine is loud and hot. I had to be 1 hour in that position, with pain in my chest and belly, and not being able to move, just breath. I felt it was torture. On top of that, I was light headed because I hadn't had food since dinner time the night before.
I told my husband and my mum about the test, and I told them that hopefully two good things can come out of this. One, I hope it helps the researchers. The other one, I was proud of myself to have done something hard. It gave me mental strength for these days while I wait for my surgery. I'm still scared though. I have both feelings living inside. Hopefully it's like those quotes about being brave and having courage. Like this one "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
I should remember that once chemotherapy starts. That scares me more than the surgery.
