My dad died of cancer 3rd August 2013 and that day will haunt me forever!
So far I've held everything inside. I'm not one for talking to anyone about my feelings especially my family even though I could because they are so kind and caring. But I just find it too hard. And I've now got to the point were my head and heart feel like they're going to explode from the pressure of my sadness and grief which is why I've turned to writing this blog in the hope of relieving it.
At first I just felt completely numb and refused to accept it had happened. But New Years Eve changed that. That's when the penny dropped and I've never felt so sad in all my life.
Now I can't sleep, I can't eat and I just feel sick all the time which is really not good as I have an extremely active 18 month old who wants all my attention all of the time and I don't get a minute to myself.
I seem to have lost all of my good and happy memories of times spent with my dad (which there are a hell of a lot of) and instead just keep getting the image of him on his death bed on his final day. Skin so pale, cheeks sunken and eyes huge and staring. He couldn't say a word but he was still there, inside. I could tell from when I would say something funny to him and he would smile with his eyes acknowledging the memory we shared.
I thought it would be getting better by now but it's just getting worse.
