15th septmeber....well another day dawns!! been to see trev today. had a text off him early this morning. said he d had an ok night but quite restless. also said his thriat was hurtin him today.....even tho thats where the cancer is..in his tonsil ...he hasnt been in as much pain since the trachy tube. went down to his and the district nurse was there......his peg site etc seems to be on the mend. he was saying that his tonsil seems to be getting bigger..and to him it looks like its fusing onto his tongue. hopin to god that the cancer not spreading there!!! there hasnt been any mention of this but who knows anymore!!!??? no guarantees with anything is there!!!
he was saying that he s now beginnnin to struggle to swallow somme of the larger tablets he has been given...we at the clinic tomorro so gonna see what they advice. he s living on soup and fortisip at the min. i know things have to get a whole lot worse before they get better....i just wish i cud wave a wand and make it all go away!!!! i want to have conversations about something other thatn trachy s and pegs!! i wanna go out to a gig with him....or have a laugh in a pub!!! i wanna go to another mod scooter rally!!! but at the minute..i cant!! that all sounds sooo selfish like im some demanding diva!! but im not!! i wd love for us just to have our lives back!!!! know it ll come tho : ) . hopin there s good news at the check up tomorro......just want things to start!! he does too but we know he s got to heal from these 3 ops!
he thinks he ll be finished his treatment by xmas..but i dunno . he s due 6 weeks radio and 3 sessions chemo. not gonna start for another few weeks. it s scary but it feels like the cancer been forgotten about coz of these other ops!!! i get scared in case its spreading. his mams house is full of medical supplies etc..think it upsets her to see it....sorta makes it soo real that its what her son needs. he has his own beautiful house but cant stop in it on his own at min. im keepin with my mantra that everything happens for a reason....and whatever our reason is..then i hope it goes away and gives us our happy ever after!!! think we deserve it. had lots of heartache in our pasts....and just want ot be happy together
xx
