Its October 2011 my mum has been diagnosed with stomach cancer with 12 months to live. I am her only child, she is, my best friend, my advisor, my critic, my biggest fan, my world. This blog will follow from the start to the end of this wonderful woman's life.
I am 36 and too young to lose my mum at 68. I now need to learn how to cope with this to be strong for her and to help others who read this blog.
So this week we have heard that ' the cancer has spread' to 'its advanced you have 12 months to live, we will put you forward for a clinical trial with your chemo' to 'sorry the clinical trial has now started you are too late' Its been a week of horrific blows. My head feels like its about to explode and I can't think of anything other than the lovely things we have done together since I can remember, songs on the radio make my eyes fill up, adverts remind me of things we have done and an empty uncertain future is ahead of me.
How do you ever come to terms with this? How do you stop feeling angry? How do you stop feeling like your head is about to explode? when does the pain inside stop hurting? when do you stop feeling nauseous? How do you muster the strength to see your beautiful wonderful mum and keep a smile on your face? how do you stay strong for your aleady emotionally weak bereft father?
These are questions I hope to find the answers to with your help. I am one of the lucky one's, I have a husband and a dad, but I still feel like a little girl in the middle of a crowded place on their own.
Please keep following my blog and if you can please help share your experiences or give support if you can. We are all in this together x
