Rough day

Hi Sally

You are right - nothing in the world prepares you for this and the only way to cope is be bright and bubbly (or the best you can be) when you are with your Mam and then come here and scream to us.

Just left my Mam's and kid brother thinks the tumours in his liver are growing again and he said he's had some pain for a few days.  He sees the oncologist tomorrow prior to another chemo sesh on 26th and I am praying that everything is going to be alright.  Came home and cried and screamed (terrifying the poor dog in the process).  Rang a friend and cried and screamed to her.

Feel a lot calmer now.

I've learned that when I need to scream then I just have to find a place to do it and it really does get rid of the tension.  Trouble is I think I may be damaging the dog's hearing!!!!!

Talking openly is good and you are right - not many families can do this.  Gordy finds it really difficult to talk to me and Mumsy because he doesn't want to upset us but I've made him realise that hiding things from us makes it a million times worse.  He's more open with my brothers but one of them is in Dubai and the other one works away as a courier, mainly in Europe and is only home a couple of weekends a month.  Still Dougy is back this weekend so that will help Gordy for a few days.

Stay strong my friend and don't hold back on the screaming.

Much love,

Nin xxxx

I found that walking the dog outside helped, oddly. It cleared my head and let me get things straight in my mind. You can't adapt to news like this instantly I'm afraid, it'll take some time to process and it does take over your life but you'll gradually settle into a rhythm that works for you. Talking about it is good, don't let things bottole up until they drive you mad, otherwise you just end up shouting at people and losing your rag, believe me I speak from experience on that one! It is really tiring, I know but try to get a decent night's sleep whenever you can and eat properly, that'll help you steer clear of the bugs and lurgy you get if you're run down. Above all don't expect too much of yourself, in films when people get terminal illnesses everyone copes beautifully and is stoical and smiling all the time but that is definitely crap and not at all how it is in the real world, you'll have good times and bad times but we'll all be here if you need to rant or want some advice on how to deal with things so you're not on your own. And like Manders said, scream if you want to, it'll do you good! All the best, Vikki x

Nin you are totally right I need to go somewhere to scream (if I scream in the house the dog will freak out!) Good luck to Gordy on the 26th. 

Vikki you are right, something like a dog walk will help clear my head, when I am feeling a bit stronger and sleeping I will go to the gym as this is a great stress reliever.  And yes what is it with those films and how calm everyone is, that really does not reflect reality.

I have decided to go and speak to a counseller who specialises in this area to help give me some coping techniques which will help with coming to terms with my mum and the inevitable and also how to keep my head about water with a demanding job too.  Work does help to keep my mind occupied which is good.

Love to all and keep in touch

Sally xxxx