Thought I would give you an update on my mum. After many problems at the hospital and dealing with some difficult questions regarding if she wanted ressuitating if she goes into a cardiac arrest, a space comes up at our local hospice and she was well enough to be moved to the Hospice of the Good Shepherd in Chester. The move was quick and in my heart I knew this was the right thing for her and her care, my head was telling me something else. Terror.
Dad and I arrive an hour after she arrives by ambulance and I immediately hate the place, I feel claustrophobic and uneasy. I had an image of her own room, a feel of space and a strong positive energy, its not this and she is sharing with 3 others. Having to deal with massive daily changes relating to mums condition is overwhelming. After a thorough assessment dad and I step out while mum is examined and grab a coffee. The Dr comes to talk to us and tells us mum is likely to be here 2 weeks, I instantly go into panic and burst into tears and struggle to breathe, I say so she will be dead in 2 weeks then - she says no she will be going home! Im stunned. Noone told us the hospice process, the helping hand I need feeling so vulnerable. I am fighting hard against the hospice and I dont want to like it. I ask the Dr to look around, she says what would you like to see - I say I don't know. The Dr asks me what my biggest fear is, I say its a place to come and die, she tells me about residents and how they come for respite and they may have needs at home that cannot be catered for and need the hospice, its not just a place to die, its a place to rebuild and rehabilitate a resident over 2 weeks. I step outside to compose myself with dad and walk around the grounds.
I must now give you the reality. When dad and I have our coffee during her examination and assessment, a nurse offers us a chocolate biscuit, while I am in meltdown mode the Dr asks if I would like to receive some complimentary treatments to help with my anxiety. I cannot take all that is being offered to me and just want to see my mum. After our visit Dad suggests we go back in the evening, knowing I am struggling with the place, it doesnt feel any better for the second time and I wonder how I will cope with this every day, but its not about me its about mum and she is the only one here - as ever the strong rock, happy to be getting such a high level of care.
On day 2 I go to the hospice again after work and I see it with new eyes, mums condition has improved immeasurably in a day, she says the care she has received has been absolutely fantastic, the 3 women she is with are providing support to mum and talk to her about their battles, until this mum hasnt wanted to talk to anyone about her cancer. The room is filled with flowers, courtesy of our local Sainsburys, nurses hug patients and laugh along, mum laughs like I havent seen her do for a long time. Biscuits are passed around, patients order food when they want it. The nurses are angels and I cannot understand how they do this job day in day out.
I wanted to give you a real view of my hospice experience. My initial view is one of terror and a place to go and die, my view 24 hours later is one which is very different, its of positivity and for people who are there to provide the highest level possible of care. If you too are due to experience a hospice for the first time and have the time, read up and see if you can visit to reassure any anxieties you may have. As I have said before - as a marketer I think hospices need to reposition themselves to try and remove their stigma where you just go to die - they are there to provide so much more. There is nothing to fear, they will look after you or your relatives exceptionally well, giving you peace of mind and provide much needed respite for a family.
