hi there everyone - i have had a terrible day today - i am usually very strong minded and dont give into crying - it is just how i am - but today - i have burst into tears for no reason - well there is reasons but nothing happened out of the ordinary to make me feel that way - if you know what i mean - i am so muddled up - i cant believe that i have to wait yet another two bllody week before i know what is going to be happening - i like to have a plan and then i feel as if i am in some sort of partnership with what is going to be happening to me and i can begin to prepare myself for what lays ahead - i think i am a bit of a control freak - but it has always worked for me so i suppose now should be no different - i really dont like this feeling of not being in control - the school holidays are nearly over and i have done nothing at all with my little one - i am going to have to talk to her soon - she is beginning to get really bad tempered and quite moody - i really was hoping to be able to tell her what was happening after my appointment with specialist yesterday - but i know just as much as i did four weeks ago - the waiting part is really the hardest - it was before and it is no different this time around - you dont get used to it at all - my hisband and i are seperated and he suffers from mental health problems so he isn't dealing with this very well at all - however - he has said that if he is ok he will take me shopping tomorrow because the little one needs some new clothes getting and i am unable to drive very far because of the pain - hopefully a bit of retail theraphy will make the little one a little bit happier - we will wait and see - i have told the older children and they think that maybe she needs to know that it has come back - any way i will go for now and hope i have a better daya tomorrow - karen - xoxo
