I have always been a strong person all of my life, but I have to now say that I don't know where the hell I am. I had my operation on the 25th June after 4 lots of chemo which knocked me flat on my backside each time and I've just had a full hysterectomy, part of my bowel removed, so I now have a stoma bag,part of my stomache and god knows what else done. It got even better, I had a massive morphine overdose given to me.
At the moment I have no strengh to fight anything, physically or mentally and that is not me. It's like i died on the operating table and all that is left is this tired, sad, weak person that I don't know.
I am not wanting or looking for sympathy, I just have to put down how I feel. Maybe I will feel much better in a few weeks, knowing me I will find the fight again.
My consulant told me that the cancer had spread and he removed alot and is hoping that the next two chemos I have will sort that out. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Take care..............Love Carol
FormerMember
where does it ever end eh? just get your strength back and think about fighting then xxxxxxxxxxxxx
You have been through a lot before and since the operation, had a lot of surgery, you are bound to feel low and flat, you probably have a lot of chemicals floating around making you feel low, I certainly felt low and very flat no energy or fight after my hysterectomy, and you have had loads more than just that to contend with, I am sure that if you give yourself some time to recover and it does take time you will start to feel stronger, as Alison says get your strength back , and see how you feel in a few weeks time. I always get laid low by the medical profession they sap the strength from me, but I usually come out of my corner fighting after some time recuperating.
You poor thing ... what a horrible time you're having. Don't forget that after a hysterectomy all your hormones will be going crazy - I'm a fairly tough bird, but after mine I couldn't stop crying. It sounds as though your operation was much bigger than you expected and after that amount of intervention you're bound to be exhausted. When do you start chemo again? It must be a shock, too, to have a stoma bag - had you been told about this? Is it a permanent one or will it be reversed later on?
Carol - you are a strong person and a fighter. You're bound to feel down at the moment what with all the worry leading up to diagnosis and then the months of chemo. And on top of that a really big operation - you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel completely drained. But it will pass and as your strength returns, you'll feel much less depressed and get your normal fighting spirit back I'm sure. And feel ready to take on the hospital about that morphine overdose! How on earth did that happen?
I think sometimes it comes as even more of a psychological shock to people who have previously been very much in control of their lives. You have gone from being very active, energetic and vibrant, to suddenly being forced to be horizontal, confined to bed/hospital ward and having no prior control to what's being done on the operating theatre - and then to have the shock of the morphine overdose! As everyone says, even the chemo drugs, which will ultimately heal, are at the moment on the rampage and making you feel really crap. This is a VERY hard time, and you have been through the wars on the front line. Being hurled headlong into the menopause as everyone else has said is also a huge shock to your body, and all reactions, which would normally filter gradually in over months or years, have flooded you in minutes.
I am so so sorry that you are feeling low. I can only say that I think a fair few of us have felt in the same or equivalent positions. I didn't even have the huge trauma of an op, but found just concomitant chemo and radio knocked me for six (that brought on menopause instantaneously). I found unepectedly that the effects were not only physical but intellectual as the chemo really went to my brain. I found that I just couldn't concentrate on books that I would normally read (and had stockpiled from the library in readiness). Like you, I had also had a job where I was meeting several hundred people a day, and the sudden isolation was something I found difficult to adjust to. Have you noticed this difference as something negative?
So, all in all, you are doing a lot better than you think you are, Carole! All of this is normal (except the morphine overdose! but then you must have a guardian angel up and running to have survived that one!), and although it may not feel like it at the moment, you will gradually get back both your physical and emotional strength. We are always here for you, miss you when we don't hear, and send you lots and lots and lots of hugs and love. xxxx Penny
I'm not usually stuck for words, but I've found it really hard to know what to say to you, I desparately want to add some words of comfort. All I can say is that whatever happens your friends will still love you for who you are, not what you are - this you can believe.
I've only been offering half hugs whilst I recover from my mastectomy, but you definitely deserve a whole hug (((((Carol)))))
