Living,or exsisting with cancer can feel at times, a very lonely place to be. Peoples reactions vary so much, true friends stay the same, even though there can be awkward moments between you.
I have no problem talking about my cancer, I don't want or look for sympathy, I don't need any. I am still the same person I was, though throughot these last 7 month I have lost me several times but have found myself again and have started fighting back.
Sometimes I crave for another human being to talk to. I have so many people who strongly believe that I can beat this desease, so many people needing me to, I am doing the best I can, but I have always been a realist. So far throughout my journey, I have kicked back, I don't want to die yet, no time would be right for me.
I raised my children the best way I could after their father left, I made mistakes, of course I did and now my kids are grown and I thought it was my time to enjoy life, then this happens OH BUGGER!
But if I could turn back the hands of time (feels like a song coming on!) would I change what I've done, they way I've lived and the person I am?....................No I don't think so, I like me.
I would love to be around to see my grand children grow and maybe have children of their own, I would only be in my early 60's if it happens and that is still young.
Many good and bad events have occured in my life and one of the most poigneant (spelt wrong, I know) time was being there at the birth of my first grand-daughter Kaci. Watching my first born Toni having her first baby, my god, I was elated and shed tears of joy at this new life, some of my blood flowing through her veins. I thought I knew what love was, I found it when I first saw Kaci, part of the next generation.
3 OLD MEN IN A BOAT!!!
Kev went shopping in Ellesmere while I had a shower on the boat. When he got back, carrying bags of shopping, a pair of swans had appeared, with the look of 'He's got grub in them there bags, maybe some buns for us'
Kev shouted to me that my mates wanted feeding, I got some bread and hand fed these two magnificant, beautiful swans. They knew not to bite the hand that fed them. Next, they devoured an entire saffron cake and hoovered up every morsal before moving off.
We then moved off also, heading towards Jack Myttons.
On route, we came across 3 old chaps who we had seen in Ellesmere the night before. Their boat was well and truely grounded, so we did our good deed for the day and pulled them out, back into the middle of the canal and off they went, three 80 year old, particially sighted gents who were very gratefull. Bless em!
We ended up stopping at Chirk, so Kev could go down the hill to The Bridge Inn. I stayed on the boat just relaxing. Kev phoned me a minute after he left me to say that these geese where following him, I looked outside and 6 geese were honking like crazy at him, mind you he was tormenting them, by singing 'christmas is going and the goose is getting fat', luckily for him they stayed in the water and didn't get on the towpath, which one year they did and chased after him!
It was monday night and now The Bridge Inn do a 'stinky cheese night' Kev had a ball tasting lots of stinky cheeses. LOVELY JOB!
FormerMember
Who cares how you spell it. When my father had his first heart attack at 37 he told me later that his biggest regret was that he would never live long enough to go for a pint or three with his sons. Well he did live long enough to take us for that pint and ruined our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mother died from breast cancer in 1973 when we had two newsagents and the whole situation was in the public domain. Every customer asked how she was. "Oh fine" we would say. What else do you say? "She's dying? There's not little hope, there's no hope? Actually we are waiting for the nurse to come and give her her next shot?" Actually at twenty years old I felt very alone. I think we all did in spite of the attention. Sorry for my little rant
I'm still enjoying the tales of your holiday,what fun you seem to have had,
The last blog's mention of Saffron Cake brought back memories of when I lived in Cornwall and particularly St Day feast day, when Saffron buns were handed out, ummm delicious.
