It seems just when you're feeling on top there's a dark shadow above full of self pity waiting to burst.
Everyone around me says i'm the most positive person they know, and I often wonder if they are just very unobservant or whether i'm the worlds' greatest actress!!
I'm really good at saying 'I'm ok thanks', in reply to my wellbeing as I've done this since I can remember. Being British means i need to take a university degree in how to say what I really think and also how to complain. i'm pretty sure most of my problems would be halved if I mastered this, and situations wouldn't continue. I hyave been trying it out as it was my New Years resolution. I messed up Christmas as my partner, who's French, invited his mum and sister for Christmas dinner, which they've now done three times, and I had to go into the kitchen to cry when they were dissing 1) the presentation of the whole turkey on the table, 2) just what is stuffing?, 3) what is Christmas pudding? and why do you make it so long in advance? and actually they just fiddled with their forks in that very french way. They've done it three times now so what's up with them; This year I decided it would be better for me in my condition to be authentic, so i basically told them to get themselves stuffed and I wouldn't invite them next year, (in my mind trying to stay positive because i had the demon on the other shoulder saying, 'if i'm actually still alive'!!
It's really hard to stay positive and clear out all the negativity in your life, friends, own thoughts etc. I'm going to be more ruthless/authentic but it's amazing how people so accustomed to knowing the 'old' me, run away when I have an opinion:)
I woke up this morning, stretched in front of mirror and noticed rib bone sticking out more on one side than other. You can guess my first thought. anyhow my second thought is to wait till my consultation on Monday and just wait and see. I have probably never stretched and looked before anyhow.
Hoping other people out there can help me on my quest for cheeriness and positive vibes and sending my love to all, Sue x
