Had my fifth of six Chemo's just over a week ago. The last three lots being Docetaxel, thankfully didn't feel as bad as the last time. However I felt really depressed, am I the only one who gets angry and annoyed when all you see and hear at the moment is Christmas. Quite frankly 'Can't be arsed - not interested !!' My sons being bullied at school, my husbands job isn't very safe and to top it all my neighbour reversed into our car, so now we have to sort all of that out. When will it all end !
I will have my last chemo all be well on the 27th November, I should be feeling happy about that but I at the moment I can't seem to, when I lknow that I am to undergo surgery in the new year amd then radiotherapy.
FormerMember
hi kaz i felt and stiil feel at times the same as you especially during my chemo . i forgot how any times i said xmas is cancelled or in your words i can't be arsed. i think the chemo sucks everything out of you including your spirit , it did with me anyway. its hard to explain to people who thought i was getting depressed that actually i wasn't, i just couldn't be bothered. the bit inbetween chemo and surgery was a good time for me i think i was elated after chemo that i wasn't sick anymore and felt nearly human , there were minutes , even hours when i could forget i even had cancer . i've had my op and i've gone back to that i can't be arsed stage again. and its quite embaressing but when i listen to people and they are just blabbering on i really can't be arsed to listen to them , i switch off.
as for the bullying phone the school and speak to them it is anti bullying week this week after all. if they don't know already tell them you are battling cancer and the last thing you need right now is the worry of your son getting bullied .
I'm not surprised you are feeling miserable with everything around you and inside you going wrong. The excesses, commercialism and ever-earlier Christmas are enough to irritate and dismay most right-minded people, never mind those of us who have learned the hard way that there are more important things to worry about than getting the Christmas shopping done!
I've found myself saying "Why is it always ME?" quite a few times, as Disaster seems to like to sandbag us once we're already on our knees.
Being on a chemo that has debilitating side-effects can itself be very depressing, especially when you have a long list of other treatments to look "forward" to. Are you getting any help with coping emotionally? Did you have a Cancer MacMillan nurse assigned to you to talk things over with? Is there a local support group you can join and at least feel less like the only person for whom everything has gone pear-shaped? Hope that being on this site does help - at least we all recognise the multiple meltdown syndrome, and quite a few of us recognise the inability to connect up with the jollity of The Season.
Hoping something starts to work out for you soon, and the very best of luck with your treatment. xxxxx Penny
i god i nknow how you fill i not blog what i up to but i had 6 chemo was booked it for 8 but told 6 . if had 8 i just be on my last one now so be well for xams but last fri i when to hops as i found lump so looks like i be sick over xmas why o why did that not give me the 8 grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Hi Kaz - you're bound to feel weighed down with all that you have been through. The feelings of depression; you should talk to either the doctor or the cancer care nurses at the hospital, as they can often prescribe something for it. Okay, none of us like to be on anti depressants, but sometimes we all need a wee lift. Don't let the feelings get any worse - talk to someone, ok? Your feelings ARE perfectly normal, and I do sympathise with you - BUT Christmas? Can't help it, I've always loved it, and even though I'm 55 (years young), I can still feel the tingle I get from knowing it's coming soon. I'm glad to say I haven't gone completely GA GA, I mean I KNOW Santa doesn't exist, but I'll still leave out a ginger nut and a glass of milk for Rudolph, lol Hope I haven't sent you over the edge, lol. Please, please talk to someone, ok? with love kate xxxxxxxxxxx
I'm with you on xmas I love the spirit of christmas it's magical and i can almost pretend im in another place.( for a while anyway)
I'm sorry Kaz that you are having such a tough time of it, but i think of it this way ive had so much taken from me and missed out on so many family gatherings i'll be darned if this situation of mine is going to ruin xmas aswell.
One of the things my son is struggling with at the moment is that there's not as much fun at home anymore so i am trying really hard to keep some normality and fun around this festive time if not for myself for him....
