Do you want a fruit scone? Do you want a fruit scone I ask my husband mid Saturday afternoon, how normal is that? Well its so normal it abnormal right now and once againg it triggers that pain in my core and the faster heart beat and makes the voice in my head sceam, do you want a bloody fruit scone, my son has cancer, my son has cancer, an everyday state for my body for the last 3 months but still not accepted or normal, still shocking everytime I wake up. Its not the not sleeping thats a problem, its the waking up that shatters your heart in to a million peices.
So we have a cup of tea and a fruit bloody scone - where did I buy them? I have baked since I was 5 years old (with my Grandma, mother can't won't cook) I bake not buy but everything changed on April 1st 2011 and we need normality, don't we?
The normality is absurd, what to wear, what to eat, work tasks, petrol in the car, meaningless conversatations, the bloody weather!! Yes I must be at the rant stage, I hear everyday my own voice with those very special people that care and support me ranting about, well you would think the unfairness but no I just rant about everything. When I am measured and in control and having a 'normal' discussion the voice in my head head is still screaming, my son has cancer my son has cancer. Not sure if appropriate to swear on this blogging thing but its also screaming manicaly lots of expletieves I didn't know I knew (thats a lie), yes I think I have heartbreak inducuded schizophrenia, I bet I could make a fortune in the states with that condition. .
So enough already of the fruit bloody scones I think blogging is supposed to be about me telling you about my day?? I have no idea really and have been/am very dismissive of social networking sites (bloody el what a mouthful) I am one of those very balanced opinionated individuals who says things like 'facebook will kill social skills as we know them (going to the pub and talking s..t) but of course it must be a savoir for 'certain groups of people',' what a patronising b...h I am but still believe that and have just become part of a special group of people! still not going to say lol though! I rest my case case my Mother who is 71 has been away for for the weekend (how dare she my head rants when my son has yes you have heard it already seveal times) texted me yes bloody texted me to say she is back and hope everything is alright I am temtped with the lol!
So today, as for the last 21 days we went to the radiotherapy unit for Michael to have his treatment and as usual he entertained me with stories of his recent past life as a response cop and the stories as always are true and scary (for Ma), sad and v v funny and as always we plan our lottery winnings and he downloads pictures of famous people on his iphone. The photos are of actors who resemble his new bezzies and homies as he calls the old men that surround him. He is 28 and his new baby is due in 6 weeks, his son Cole, my saviour, who is 3 is at home with Mammy knowing Daddy and Marmar have gone to see Doctor Buzz again today.
If anyone out there is listening I thank you and promise to buy a dictionary for me spelling
Don't go, stick around and laugh a while. Love ya Ma x
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