I've finally opened the lid and bawled my eyes out. My sister's funeral was held yesterday and we have had a difficult couple of days. On Wednesday we travelled first to Bristol (from Surrey) to drop our dogs off at the kennels then on to Plymouth. We stayed in my sister's bungalow on Wednesday night and met up with her two sons. It was extraordinary being in HER house without her being there. (A bit of back story here before I proceed; she married in 1958 and they bought this bungalow. Apart from the occasional lick of paint everything has remained exactly the same. The kitchen and bathroom are 50's originals and the furniture they bought as newly-weds remained too. It is like stepping through some time-warp into the past.) I walked out into her garden, which was a blaze of amazing spring flowers, and felt this awful sense of futility and emptiness. The memories flooded back of my sister and her husband as this young couple so full of life and hope as they moved into this house. Well, despite their best efforts,
time did not stand still; they had two strapping sons and their long and happy marriage lasted 49 years until the death of her husband.
I mentioned in my earlier blog, "Keeping a lid on it" that my sister was always the "grown-up" and I the child. I am closer in age to her children and get on with them well. On the Wednesday evening we went out for a meal with the younger son and his girlfriend and we had a lovely time - all of us keeping a lid on it! The funeral itself on Thursday morning was something else. There were a lot of red eyes and stifled sobs. Now, I have great respect for practising Christians or those who genuinely believe and follow a religion but I, whilst having been brought up a Christian, I am not a believer. My sister and her husband had not set foot in a church for years either but her sons organised a religious service. I had written the eulogy and the vicar repeated it word for word, threw in some psalms and a hymn and then did the "Ashes to ashes" dedication. Then it was out into the sunshine to talk to her friends before going to a country inn for the wake.
Lots of cold water splashes to my face and a complete make-up makeover and I managed to put the grief back in the box. There were many members of the extended family present: my two daughters, my niece, great-nieces, nephews and it was good to see the younger generation all together. Some conflicts within the family were put on hold for the day and some bridge-building done which, hopefully, will heal broken relationships. (Lots of long stories I won't trouble you with right now!)We left the wake after lunch and began our epic journey home and I snivelled all the way.
I know I must not dwell on the past and I plan to move on and look forward to spending time with my remaining family. Thank you again to all those who offered kind words of support to my original blog.
KateG
