Warning - this is a whinge

This has been a horrible week and I feel very guilty complaining about it. Everything has just piled up on top of me and I need to get it down on paper or I shall burst into tears and won't be able to stop. It all started when I found out I have now acquired a heart murmur, which explains why I am so breathless. Then last Wednesday when I was in Bath with Maggie, I woke up covered in bruises ... well, I had five! They were a very pretty pale blue, but seemed to be growing fast, so Maggie drew round them with a biro so we could measure their progress. As soon as we got back from Bath, I called the clinical nurse specialist and mentioned that I had acquired some fetching new designs on my skin, and her immediate reaction was to arrange for the district nurse to come to take bloods on Friday. My cousin had driven up to see me that day and I had a lovely lunch out with her but the phone was ringing as I walked back into the house, and it was the hospital to say my platelets were fine but my neutrophils were 'in my boots' - down to 0.1 - and I had to cancel all my plans for the weekend and stay away from other people. Then the GP called me to say the lab had contacted him too, and he told me to cancel all my plans for the weekend. So I spent Saturday and Sunday at home, wishing I were elsewhere, and snuffling. Of course, I don't know whether the sniffles are a side effect of my chemo, or whether I'm getting an infection. However, it doesn't seem to be getting any worse so I'm waiting to see what happens. Since I started chemo I've been congratulating myself on avoiding the proverbial sore mouth. Well the chemo fairy heard me, and sent me a few mouth ulcers so that I wouldn't feel left out. Thank you, chemo fairy. And today I had problems with my central heating and had to call out the plumber. The final straw - I was watering my hanging baskets tonight, and saw the world's largest slug on my doorstep. I was trying to dispose of him mercifully [didn't want to mess up the doorstep] when I caught my shoe in the doormat and dived headfirst down a couple of steps to land on the concrete path. I'm more shaken than hurt, but have got some good dirt filled grazes and a very sore knee. I've cleaned the grazes as best I can, but I'm feeling very shaky and weepy, and now I'm worried that I haven't got enough neutrophils to deal with the dirt and I'm going to get a horrendous infection. It's not like me to be so pessimistic and I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow - but at the moment I just need a hug! Well I can't do anything tonight, but it's been very cathartic just to write things down. Apologies to you all for being such a wimp - I will do better tomorrow, I promise.