Im going for my MRI Monday,why i keep asking, as ive had a ct scan and been told i have a 5.5cm tumour in my right native kidney. I was so schocked when the cute young docotor told me i have cancer that my mind went blank and the only thing i could think to ask was - " Do i have to do a Jade Goody and order my dress?? " What an idiot eh,i should have been asking things like -
Are you looking for cancer anywhere else?
As i have a transplanted kidney is that going to be ok?
Do i need both of them out to avoid me getitng cancer in the other kidney?
As ive had treatment for changes to the cervix and a mole cut out when i was younger am i more likely to develop cancer elsewhere?
Im hoping that i will get to see my consultant again before my surgery date of September 1st which feels like its coming round far too quickly.
I keep swinging from being totally optomisitc and feeling lucky for having the family and friends i have to beeing scared shitless that im a timebomb and that if im dying i want to know so i can get everything in order.
My biggest worry is my youngest son,he is 10 and has nothing to do with his dad as he couldnt handle me being ill with renal failure when he was 2,my parents who are divorced said they would take him if the worst happpened and so did his 18 year old brother and my wonderful partner of 3 years said he would never turn his back on the kids,but if i go i want him to live his life without the burden of a dead partners child on his shoulders, i want him to live life to the full and be free to love again.
God this is so hard,i want to be around for my kids and when im with them just now im either grumpy,tired or tearful.
FormerMember
im not sure how to respond to your blog, what a lot for you to think about,
i dont know your partner or what he is like, but if you say he is true then he seems like one of the good guys. i can say that although it is hard.....it is good to be an optimist (i am one) believe me we are all scared, its normal, we all have bad days, i am lucky that my daughter is 28 and about to have my first grandchild soon. it must be especially hard when you have younger children to worry about, they are lucky to have a loving family around.
please let your optimisim take over......
i wish you all the very best for you and your family, ask your doc the questions.... we do all say the silliest things at times like this, i bet he`s heard worse. liz xxx
I hear what you are saying about your son, it is the worst and scariest part, my breast care nurse tells me my cancer is highly treatable but in my dark moments!!!
Although at 53 I am older than you and my daughter is grown up (some times) I am the main carer for my 4 year old grandson who has lived with me all his life. So I understand what you are saying from the time I was diagnosed my first and main thought was/is what will hapen to him,? who will look after him?. He also has very little contact with his dad, sees him a couple of times a year. My partner, his grandad, keeps telling me not to be so stupid that I'm not that bad,but he also says HE will always look after him, but he looked after his dad for 2 years, untill he died last year ( he had dementia,) it just seems too much and well it's my job!!
But thats what we think in the dark times,in reality we should both get to see the boys growup,go to university/work,get married and in your case produce your grandchildren
I was going to give you all the answer to kidney cancer and then relise you are in a different situation than me, I had my left kidney removed and the adrenal gland in October last year due to cancer. I too had a 5 cm tumour. Mine was all good news and am functioning well on one.
I am so sorry to read your blog and relise now how lucky i am.
Take care and be safe.((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Do not drink to much Leigh.I am in a terrible position,I had pnumonia and they did not scans on me, I am a forty seven year old lady. They found a benign lump on my lung but spots on the liver. I have always worked and only drank wine with my husband, (not every weekend). The doctor gave me the all clear at the hospital but I am sure my skin is going yellow, SO BE CAREFUL, I am not sure of my future now. You have a chance to get better I only had a drink weekends and maybe once a week a glass of wine in the pub. I will let you know how I get on. I am scared.
