I'm disappointed today, ive been doing so well,i was making plans again,just small steps but i was thinking about my future which ive been scared to do for a while then crash im back to rock bottom. My pain in my sides back again,not as bad as it was but bad enough to be back on co codamol.I know why its back,ive been out with the dogs,and doing some housework,just general things people take for granted. So back to the gp's today and it was well worth it,she reviewed my pills and has taken me off my anti depressant that ive been on since my kidneys failed,she has given me a new one to start next week which can also help pain and in the mean time she has given me a low dose diazepam for during the day and temazepam when requiered at night,i have had a few panic attacks this week,mainy brought on by the fact i forgot to pay two bills last month and i got the horrible phone calls chasing up money from me,and as id been out and about over the weekend i had none to give them,so i did what i havent done for years i asked my dad for money,i didnt even offer to pay it back,i asked for £100 to get my two bills paid and i dont even feel guilty about it (IM NOT DOING THAT EMOTION ANY MORE!) he can well afford it,hes an accountant withhis own buisness and owns 2 houses,3 cars and holidays 3 or 4 times a year,so bills paid im feeling a wee bit better tonight,well i should be but ive had 2 panic attacks since i got upstairs. Great eh!never mind tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a nice night in on Sat with my daughter and her pal watching x factor is on the cards.I thank my lucky stars im not in the position the poor girl with a month to live is in,and i know that many people reading her story will be feeling for her and sending her love.
FormerMember
Leigh, everytime I see a blog by you I think, its gotta be her turn to be feeling better.........and each time I am so sad for you.
Are you expecting too much too soon? Did the hospital give you any realistic timescale for recovery? Are you getting enough support??
Whatever the reason, we care and we listen and we never judge (any chance your Dad would like be a silent partner in my marriage........the financial silent partner LOL).
Hope the new pills make a difference and try to have a great weekend...remember vote Ollie or Stacey ;)
sometimes Debs i feel i have no right to feel the way i do when there are so many people in much worse situations than me,but then again there are so many in better!
hi Leigh, even when we know we shouldn't be complaining as there are lots worse off than us I think we do have a right to complain, a right to feel ill and a right to let off steam sometimes, keeping a brave face on things is bloody tough! yesterday I felt totally cr-p slept/cried most of it away and then felt I'd wasted yet another precious day, but today I feel o.k again? There's no sense of reasoning to it but I think I'll take it as a warning I need to slow down a little bit and let myself rest sometimes! chemo is tough and I've had enough poison put into me to knock anyone for six so I don't tell myself I am lazy or idle I say yes you have a right to have an off day!
Tablets all carry their own unwanted side effects and I blame them for how I feel.
Today I'm better so I'm off out to the shops for a bit then a lazy afternoon baking a cake and maybe making some cards for birthdays and xmas.
Take Care Leigh and I hope your new tabs make you feel tons better than the last cocktail. x
Leigh, try to be subjective and look at what YOU have been through lately (sod everyone else)..the diagnosis (again) the waiting for results, waiting for the operation....the operation itself, the recovery, the pain.
If you weren't you and were just following a blog of someone else's journey you would see what we see.... an amazing young woman and mum and partner coping really rather well considering.
No one here plays the "my cancer is worse than your cancer" card....we are just all dealing with a crap hand ;) and are wishing you a better recovery.
So woman, as much as I loved Scotland for the weekend I spent there, I dont wanna have to haul my ample butt up there in the rain to tell you face to face ya here me my friend = GO EASY ON YOURSELF, might even let ya win a game of scrabble if you're lucky ;)
