Dad Died 6 months ago and Mum and Husband both want my time.

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

16 Mar 2013

I am struggling, I feel like driving off a bridge. I lost my dad 6 months ago after 3 months of cancer. Mum and dad had just celebrated 50 yearsmarried. They were always together and now my mum expects my sister and eye to fill the gap. She is devastated and struggling to the point where she hates being at home.

I work 3 days and of the 4 days off I spend 3 with her, it was the 4 days but I put my foot down as my kids and husband need me to, there was an awful row about it. Mum expects that I fill her day with her at the expense of my husband being alone all day and we usually go out and about.

If I want to do something myself, she takes umbridge and says that my dad would be ashamed of me. She doesnt seem to realise I want time to myself and if I say this she says I am cruel and selfish and my dad would be ashamed of me.

My husband is now going cold on me and comes out with snide remarks. I think he will leave me.

I dont know what else to do.

FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi,

I don't know if I can offer much help but I think from what you have explained, this is your mother's coping mechanism. This reliance she now has on you is filling that void she is missing. Personally It might be a good idea to help her with socialising with local groups or maybe taking up a new hobby; so that both of you can grasp independance. It's going to be extremely hard, and you are going to have to be strong; but you will pull through.

I believe that simply sitting down with her and your sister would allow her to appreciate that she is not the only one suffering. Words hold a lot of power and could help your mother realise that although times are going to be extremely tough, she must remain positive and not use what has happened as an excuse to get what she wants.

From past experiences I know it's so hard to do and I really feel for you. I hope that by talking about your situation will help you vent your frustrations. Just remember that there is always someone out there who will listen.
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