At the risk of being a moaning boring old dragon, I am now 7 long days since diagnosis, i know its a short time in the normal world, in my world at the mo its a long long time. how selfish I am to want the time to fly by, how selfish i am to sit here moaning and groaning instead of getting my act together.
I am truly struggling with all of the gaps inbetween each visit to the consultant, appts for scan appts for biopsy and finally the results appt, where they are going to tell me what i already know or maybe something more awful than i know.
I am finding coping with my job now excruiating and it hurts to try and stay the course until D day when my breast will be taken away and my chemo starts. My colleagues are great but how can they ever fully understand. I dont know what to do for the best do i just step out and get mentally and physically prepared for whats ahead or do I carry on as normal. Somehow if i step away i feel a weak failure but if i stay with my current state of mind then I am a bloody liability............ Iam in slow motion in this fast moving world and i dont know what to do about it.
O well another 5 days to the MRI, two days to the final result and who knows how long before its time for the slice and dice.
This is suspended animation xx
