The MRI was a daunting experience,or was i just being a pathetic wimp.......... I was frightened, anxious, nervous and get this i cried afterwards. (get a grip woman) Not even my hot chocolate in the hospital cafe could console me.
The sounds of that machine will stay with me forever, and as soon as i went into it i started losing my breath, i tried to keep counting slowly and breathing properly. No way was i going to push the alarm, i couldnt let those wonderful medics see me falling apart. After all this procedure, this noisy claustraphobic monster was going to help me get better or is it extreme to say it will help save my life......... I can only describe the noises as like being in a war zone (although i havnt been in one).
Well this hurdle is over and tomorrow is my final consultation with the results before the op. However why o why do i keep thinking that he will tell me something else awful tomorrow like its spread to elsewhere but my breast and its really really bad, the end of the world and go away we can do nothing for you. Its completely irrational i know but at this moment in time i want to be irrational............................
True to form though my happy mask will be out and my family will see me being cool calm and collected as will my consultant. When i was first diagnosed he asked me if i usually dealt with bad news in such a calm manner........................... did he expect me to fall apart. Instead my partner nearly passed out bless him, and they had to put him on bed and get him stabilised, my daughter sat in the corner in a sobbing heap, and i sat there looking from one to the other wondering why i wasnt a marshmallow! :)
Tomorrow it probably will be my turn to be the marshmallow, and i f I am i will be pink and fluffy. :)
