The Probability Theory I wish I had never heard of it!
I hadn't until thursday morning wqhen the postman dropped a big fat envelope through my letterbox.
I was happily chugging along with my life. Relieved that my journey was coming to an end ( I had just been for my pre-op assessment for my stoma reversal) then Wham Splat Bam. I get blown way with what the professor said.
That if my bowel hadn't have burst then I could have considered myself cured, because it had burst I have to consider myself uncured.
Also the probability is that I will die from my disease within the next 5 years if not in the next 10!
Wow how do you come to terms with that?
It has catapulted me back 8 years to when my husband was diagnosed with meso and we knew there was no cure for him.
How it made us feel that we had lost control of our lives of our future.
Now he is gone and it has been for 5 years. I had my own battle with cancer and thought that I had won. Yes I am NED yes I thought I was cured. Silly old me.
Why should I be different?
I just feel like I have lost control again. I want to try to put my life back into perspective but those words are ringing in my head.
Most likely, probably. All because the Drs didn't do there job properly and let my tumour grow big enough to cause a blockage thus allowing my bowel to burst.
B....rds!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where do I go from here? How do I pick myself up?
I try to talk to my partner but he doesn't hear me.
I have just said that I feel all wound up today his answer was "Do you darling" not why? Oh no he is too interested in watching tv.
Lots has gone on this week I have lost my best friend who I thought was my best friend, she told me that I had too much baggage for her. That was before this happened.
If I hadn't brought a complaint against the PCT then the professor wouldn't have got involved and I would be none the wiser. Going around happy as a sandgirl believing that I had beaten cancer.
Whereas now I have been told that cancer will beat me.
I hate feeling out of control of my life.
Love Julie xxxx
