The Probability Theory

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Jan 2011

The Probability Theory I wish I had never heard of it!

I hadn't until thursday morning wqhen the postman dropped a big fat envelope through my letterbox.

I was happily chugging along with my life. Relieved that my journey was coming to an end ( I had just been for my pre-op assessment for my stoma reversal) then Wham Splat Bam. I get blown way with what the professor said.

That if my bowel hadn't have burst then I could have considered myself cured, because it had burst I have to consider myself uncured.

Also the probability is that I will die from my disease within the next 5 years if not in the next 10!

Wow how do you come to terms with that?

It has catapulted me back 8 years to when my husband was diagnosed with meso and we knew there was no cure for him.

How it made us feel that we had lost control of our lives of our future.

Now he is gone and it has been for 5 years. I had my own battle with cancer and thought that I had won. Yes I am NED yes I thought I was cured. Silly old me.

Why should I be different?

I just feel like I have lost control again. I want to try to put my life back into perspective but those words are ringing in my head.

Most likely, probably. All because the Drs didn't do there job properly and let my tumour grow big enough to cause a blockage thus allowing my bowel to burst.

B....rds!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where do I go from here? How do I pick myself up?

I try to talk to my partner but he doesn't hear me.

I have just said that I feel all wound up today his answer was "Do you darling" not why? Oh no he is too interested in watching tv.

Lots has gone on this week I have lost my best friend who I thought was my best friend, she told me that I had too much baggage for her. That was before this happened.

If I hadn't brought a complaint against the PCT then the professor wouldn't have got involved and I would be none the wiser. Going around happy as a sandgirl believing that I had beaten cancer.

Whereas now I have been told that cancer will beat me.

I hate feeling out of control of my life.

Love Julie xxxx

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Julia,

So sorry to hear it must have been a massive shock for you to get such news.I take it the professor was giving his opinion on your treatment by the hospital. I think you should try to think of it as a worst case scenario.

The only way to beat this is to try to prove him wrong. .You have been through this once with your husband but you are not him, a lot may happen in the next few years to change the outcome, they are learning more all the time.

As for your partner maybe you should turn off the T.V. and explain just why this has knocked you for six as he obviously hasn't taken it in, men can be a bit slow at times.

The only way to feel in control is to stop letting things control you, so now you must start putting yourself first

Do be kind to yourself

Love Sandra xx
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court over 13 years ago

Hi Julie,

Please remember its a medico legal document, in pursuit of a large establishment. It has to be written to address the worst outlook.

However you are doing great and have every chance of living a long and full life.

My mum was an asymptomatic stage four when she was picked up through the bowel screen programme. She is presently back on chemo. However I will leave you with the words of her surgeon. "consider yourself cured, life a full life. We will keep a close eye on you and if it pops up again we will treat it"

And thats exactly what she did, and still does. I have written a few of these documents in my time and in a round about way they were trying to help.

On one of my mum's post op check ups I nearly fell off my seat when the surgeon mentioned stage 4. I felt as though I was hearing it for the first time.I had only known it for a year!! The next day after a bit of thought I was back on track.

Believing you have a great future

Court
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

hi Julie,

What a situation you are in, your frustration and anger are palpable. Please remember theories and probabilities are just that. So many people on this site have beaten the so called odds so why should you not do the same? I am truly sorry your friend cannot stay with you . This journey sorts out our true mates and they are not always those you would have predicted to stay the course. Perhaps you need to take over the t.v. control and tell your partner how it really is. Good luck for the operation, when that is over build up your strength and look forward to the Spring, love camio
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Aw Julie, I feel so bad for you, but wanted to say that as you know the odds can just be numbers. It won't necessarily mean it will definitely beat you. Like you said, if you hadn't read the professor's report you would be none the wiser, so, if possible, try to carry on as before. I know that is so much easier said than done. I hope this makes sense, I'm not always that great at putting things into words.

As for your partner, I think a lot of men are like that. Perhaps he doesn't want to discuss things at the moment as it frightens him too. Last night my husband and I had a discussion which really riled me. He complained to me at the end of last year that when he came in from work I always bombarded him with talk about what I'd been doing all day and moaning about this that and the other. I have made a conscious effort to stop doing this. I hardly speak to him, or anyone for that matter, because I have been so depressed since my dad died and can't be bothered talking. When I brought something up last night he accused me of doing what I used to and always moaning. I was so annoyed because the complete opposite is true. I have hardly uttered two words to him in weeks and he hadn't even noticed.

I was appalled at your friend's attitude. Surely that's what true friends are for - supporting us when needed, baggage and all.

You know that we are all here for you.

Take care. Love, Christine xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Now Julie,

You should know better than to listen to people who

tell you, you have x yrs to live and then you will die. What the hell do they know. They couldnt even tell you your bowel was going to burst. 12yrs ago next month.I was told. We sorry but you will be dead in 3 yrs at the most. Now you see here Iam still sitting here sending you comments on your post. I will die when my body says right its time to pack it in.Not some Clown with a red nose and a funny hat.

So dont believe everything your told. You will die when YOU are good and ready. So enjoy your life and look after yourself.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx
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