I feel so terriby upset. I have just upset my poor 82 year old mum by shouting at her and telling her that she doesn't care about me. That she worries that her 87 year old sister is going to die, that my sisters ulcerative colitis is bad, that my brother is hard of hearing and lives alone. That the neighbour next door is going blind and he lives alone. That my brothers daughter has learning difficulties. My mum might be 82 but she is fit she works 4 days a week 8 hours a day in my brothers fruit and veg shop. On her day off she works on my sisters market stall. My mum retired as a nurse at 59, worked until she was 68 in a shop then started working for my brother at 77.
My mum was there for me whilst I was in hospital when my bowel had burst and I found out I had cancer. Since then she visited me once that was the week I came out of hospital. That was 4 months ago she has never been near since and apart from the occasional call I see her if I visit the shop. Today was another day off and she was on the market stall.
Its not as if she has to work for my siblings because they have staff, she go's because she enjoys it.
I asked her today when it will be my turn for her to spend time with me. Her answer was if I need her why don't I give her a call and ask. I said that I didn't mean because I needed her but because she wants to spend time with her eldest daughter and to do nice things together. For her to come to my house. Her answer was " To come to your hoiuse I have to get the bus."
Mum I do need you I am in the throws of 6 months of chemo having had 2 treatments. Then I face radiotherapy. I am scared of what my future might hold. I live alone. You were there for me when I needed you, when I was in intensive care. It isn't over yet, I have a very long haul ahead of me and I do need your support.
I have such a large family and yet I have no support. They go on with their lives as if nothing has happened, just like they did after my husbands funeral.
I made my mum cry today, now I feel guilty, so very very sad. I am sorry mum that I got cancer, I am sorry that you are worried about me, but that doesn't help me, I still need your support and your love. I Love You Mum XXX
