Socks

As I washed up with one hand this morning my husband called from the front room,"Any chance of some eggs?" The answer to that had to be, "Er no..," So as not to miss his rugby match I enlisted the help of his mother, again, not that she hasn't been at my house all week poor woman. I will not hear a word against her. No mother in law jokes in our house. Was she perhaps the reason I married him? I digress. Sent them off to the countryside to watch or play rugby and sat down to a nice cup of tea all by myself. After my shower, exercises and getting dressed I decided that I really needed to get a birthday present for a friend. I looked at what I was wearing, baggy cargo trousers with drain stuck in a pocket, old t-shirt and baggy shirt over the top. Coupled with the sprouting barnet and no makeup I looked very much I was cross dressing. The bandage, much in the style of the 'Shakespeare in Love' heroine didn't do much to help either. So I changed. Skirt, nicer t-shirt, coloured scarf and a bit of slap on my face. Better but still lop-sided. So, unbeaten I shoved a rolled up sports sock into my bandage. This looked a bit lumpy, so I rummaged in my knicker draw and found an abandoned breast pad from the days of breast feeding. They come in pairs and like socks you often end up losing just one in the wash. I put the pad over the sock tucked within the bandage folds and then tried to level it with my remaining breast. Good job I was never very well endowed. I bought uninspired smellies for my friend and stopped to get a bottle of wine. Carrying these on my good side must have unbalanced me, as coming out of the supermarket I slipped on a patch of water and went flying. People rushed to my aid and tried to haul me up. "Don't touch the arm!" I yelled as they dropped me to the floor again. Apart from the obvious bad hair day I guess I must look normal.. ish. With help using my other hand I was helped to my feet and I hurried away before further embarrassment. I caught a cab (luckily a cheap way to travel in Mexico city as no driving for a while) to my friend's house as he had invited a few of us to listen to the Eurovision song contest. Funny how something so rubbish becomes a source of infinite entertainment when one is living in a foreign country. It wasn't until after my third fruit juice (took wine to my friend but still on antibiotics so no drinking for me... checked the drugs on google this morning just incase) that I needed to pee. When i looked in the mirror whilst washing my hands I realised my sock and breast pad contraption had slipped to a very strange position indeed.