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Bone oseo... spell check says its not like that... (yes my sister told me how the spell checker works) or maybe I am using a spanish word. Bone density might be the test. Anyway lie very still and go to sleep while you are in a tunnel. I also had other x-rays and an pelvic ultra sound.. no heated gel that time. I had to wait a few days for the results. I paid £500 for the lot but had nearly everything done on one day. I later got most of the money back from the insurance and guessed that I had probably got things going faster than if I had been in the UK. It still felt like I was hanging around waiting and unsure. I still ended up watching rubbish on television until late and struggling into work bleary eyed the next day. I wonder how quickly these things get done on the NHS. Although I check the British protocol and want to know that I am receiving similar treatment as I would be in the UK, I do think that the care I have received so far has been very quick and efficient. The week after the tests we went to see the oncologist again. He spent a long time with me and my husband going through the results and being frank and helpful. he explained that it looked like the cancer I have is aggressive and that was one of the reasons that it had grown so quickly. "The type of cancer" ... why did I think he would call it something else? I always thought when people worry about the use of the C word they meant a completely word. I know now that there is no bigger taboo than saying cancer out loud. Anyway the doctor made it quite clear that he could not save my breast and that the new walnut sized tumor in my lymph nodes meant they had to go too. He was quite upbeat about the whole prognosis and said that I was very lucky with my test results. He hedged his bets a bit and said he couldn't rule out metastasis but apart from some discrepancies in the x-rays on both my upper spine and hip these had not shown up on the bone oseo and were almost definitely old trauma. After my treatment is complete another set of tests will check this out at the end. I feel lucky so far. After the surgical oncologist we needed to make an appointment to see a chemotherapy oncologist so that I could start chemo and have a sandwich treatment. Chemo - op - chemo makes one never want to go to the deli again. One of my close friends here used to be a nurse in the UK and she contacted her friends who checked that chemo toasties are all the rage in England too. It seems that they are. The new oncologist had a huge Apple computer which inspired confidence as she whipped diagrams around and explained things. "I am not sure I understand," I said at one point, "could you explain that in English?" "I was," she answered. I guess the language of cancer can be a complicated one. This was the first time I had heard about "ports" and HER2 and hormone receptors. However, the doctor was not impressed by the study on the tumor that had been removed. Therefore what we needed to do was to go and pick it up from one lab and take it to another one. Oh nice... take the tumor for a trip around town. The new diagnostic on the tumor revealed that it was not HER2. I guess another lucky strike. The oncologist told us to take good care of my tumor so I have filed it with the papers to our flat and the passports. The last thing I needed to do before I could start chemo was to have a heart scan. All fine there except they did find that one of the values in my heart leaks a bit... I kid you not, but nothing to worry about. Somethings I guess I would rather not know. Last thing, blood test... how I hate to have blood drawn and my fear just gets worse not better. (How pleased am I that I now have this handy little port for everything else?) Only a few weeks had passed and my life had changed completely. My 40th birthday had come and gone. I had had cake with my family. The coming of age I had relished and dreaded passed with not so much as a fizzle and the bottle of champagne remains unopened. What was worse cancer or turning 40.. ? definitely the cancer. By now I had told a few friends and it was getting easier to say it. I cried at the most unexpected times though. I told my closest friends with dry eyes and then broke down in the office of the school secretary when asking about insurance. I reassured my mum that all was fine and then broke down when something fell out of the fridge. Literally crying over spilt milk. Everyone has been so wonderful so far. My sister especially has come through for me as she always has done in times of need. She talked me down when I just needed to rant. She even persuaded mum from getting on a plane more than once. She made me laugh and she responded to text messages sent at weird times of day or night. She connected me to my family in the UK in a casual but meaningful way. She comforted me in a light and natural fashion as only someone who you have known all your life can. She also suggested to mum that a new laptop might be a good birthday present! My mum is being strong and despite wanting to up her frequent flyer points has stayed at home expect for one visit. I know it must be hard for her. I am sure I can beat this. However, just as everyday I thank an assorted variety of deities that I have this and that it is not one of my children, I know that my mum would take it if she could. Did not mean to go all soppy.. signing off now... next entry ports and chemo oh the joy!