I should be happy, am still enjoying being in remission, although still tire very easily and struggle to concentrate at times I feel that I am doing better physically, am even managing to get up more stairs before I have to stop for a breather.
But ... I keep coming over in waves of weepiness ... need to pull myself together but not sure where to start.
I know it's mainly work issues that are bothering me but there are other things going on too, and with work am not sure if they are being awkward or if it is just me. Here's what's spinning around my head anyway.
Have been feeling quite nauseous and tired(er) for the last 4 weeks but been to docs who did blood test and nothing wrong. Got my 3 monthly hospital appointment next week too so hoping all is OK and they can explain extra tiredness.
Lost my neighbour to cancer recently and went to the funeral to pay my respects this week. She had been an inspiration to me while I was undergoing treatment having been a cancer survivor herself and clear for 13 years but it came back just a couple of months ago .....
As I mentioned am still having problems at work but not quite sure if they are really being awkward or if I am expecting too much or maybe if it's just that I can't do it any more.
Not a strenuous job physically but a lot of things going on at once and lots of interruptions so it is mentally demanding I suppose. Know I'm always shattered at the end of the day, my memory seems to be getting worse and I get to the point where I forget what I'm talking about mid sentence which is very frustrating.
I have been back at work almost a year now, since end November last year, I had difficulties then as mentioned in my earlier blogs but not much has changed really. I am still working 18.5 hours but this is still temporary as no-one has been recruited to other half of my job yet. Am worried that if they don't recruit they will be able to make me return to full time work once I've been back a year but really don't think I can cope with that ... am struggling with the way things are now on 18.5. I have to change my working days on demand to accommodate meetings (some are full day some are half day) and although I am part time I still have to hit targets or get pulled up in the meetings for not doing them.
My salary has also been wrong most months since I went to part time, because they will only do it on a monthly basis deadlines keep getting missed so some months I have had full pay and had to wait for an invoice to pay it back. Thought I'd sorted it last month and was told everything was paid back and would be OK from now on only to be paid £55 for the whole month because they still say I've been over paid, no invoice this time just taken straight off my pay.
Am sorry for the long ramble, I know there are people on here with more important issues and I feel quite ashamed at having this kind of moan but needed to get it off my chest and not sure where else to turn, hope you understand.
Jozzy x
