Hit by a train, run over by a bus

2 minute read time.

I hadn't felt right physically for around a month. I'm a 58 year old nursery teacher who is always busy outside of work too. I have a fantastic husband and 2 amazing daughters who I am very close to and we spend lots of time together. My eldest has just given birth to a baby boy- our first grandson. We were all celebrating this wonderful news and looking forward to baby's first Christmas with the family. Then.....

I initially thought I had a UTI, went to the pharmacist got the anti-biotics and carried on with life. A few days later it was no better, in fact I was getting lower back pain too. A consultation with a nurse sent me to A and E for possible appendicitis. No they said its a kidney infection. More anti-biotics. A week later I managed to get a face to face appointment with my GP. A week's worth of different  anti-biotics but this time bloods were taken. The Dr rang me 2 days later- inflammation and CA 125 markers were high, I needed to go on the 2 week pathway and have a CT scan. If I'm honest I knew then but buried my darkest fears in work and baby celebrations. 

The pain became too much early on a Tuesday morning and I went to A and E again. This time they examined me, fitted a cannula and admitted me to the surgical assessment unit. A CT scan was arranged the next morning. I was on my own later that day when the consultant came to see me. I was taken to a side room. My husband had just popped out and I was asked if I wanted to wait. 'No' I said, rather foolishly (I am not known for my patience in my family!) please tell me.' The words washed over me as he began speaking; 'Masses on both ovaries, ovarian cancer likely, I am so sorry....'For some reason they all left the room and my husband came in. He smiled warmly saying ; 'Hello you okay?' but could see from my face that something was very wrong. "No it's cancer" I managed to get out my voice sounding small and far away. The professionals duly came back into the room and I announced I was feeling sick. A bowl was provided but I passed out-not something I expected. After oxygen and a lie down I managed to get back to my bed on the ward. I was told I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days and would be transferred to the gynaecological ward when a bed was available. 

I was not really aware of much for the next few minutes. Time seemed to warp- suddenly my daughters were there. Tears, hugs, followed. I remember thinking this can't be happening. I was at work on Monday, making plans for the weekend, thinking about Christmas shopping. You've got the wrong person, it's all a big mistake. But no, I had started on a journey I never wanted to make.

Anonymous
  • Hi there, sorry to hear your news it is an absolute shock as you say and  I think it sends you psychologically to the darkest of places.   I completely understand your sense of shock and sadness. Having been diagnosed aged 50 with stage 4 ovarian cancer just over a month ago.  Like you working full time and enjoying spending time with my two daughters 17 and 19.  Cancer is such a leveller , and I have reached out for support to friends and family  also looking at hypnotherapy to help cope with the vast range of emotions.   Taking one day at a time, your feelings  are normal , this will take time to process.  Once you get your treatment plan you will hopefully feel  more  settled. It all feels like such a long time getting in place I know, you can do this . I have some good days and some bad, I try to do nice things on my good days , to take my mind off cancer if only for a short time.