My partners mother has just been diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer which has spread to the intestine. I need Help to Help him.....It has all happened so very fast and the entire family is trying to deal with the sad news as well as trying to understand what this is all about. Aside from trying to understand the cancer and all processes related to the diagnose (tests, scan, biopsies etc.) I am finding it difficult to know whether I am supporting my partner in the best possible way and therefore trying to find some Help to Help him as best as I can.
What do I do? What do I say? When do I say it? and a lot more questions I need answers to.
So if anyone would know of the best place to find this kind of Help, I would be most grateful...
Jan
FormerMember
just be there for support, let them know that you want to help.just be your self.
Hi there, I agree with Toni, just being there can be support in itself. I think as time goes on you will know what to do and say. We all feel helpless at times like this, but I know when I had cancer people letting me know they were thinking of me was a great comfort.
Sorry I can't be of more help, but we are all here to chat anytime you feel like it. Best wishes to you and your family, Christine xx
I am very sorry to hear your sad news. I lost my Dad in December 2008 to somach cancer and I know my husband felt the same way you do when trying to be there for me.
The problem with grief is the fact that it is so unpredictable, one minute you partner will be coping ok and the next probably in a blind panic. He may also experience anger and hopelessness. All you can do is go with his emotions and let him know you are here for him and you are trying to understand how he is feeling. If he needs to talk - talk and if he wants quiet time, respect it. He will be feeling confused, he will be aware of his situation but it wont be quite sinking in.
Another thing that my husband did for me, which I needed him to do was let me be there for my mum and dad. He allowed me to have time alone with them and help them in any way I needed to. He was very involved when I wanted him to be too. My husband took charge when he needed to and a back seat equally so.
It is important that you look after yourself and your own emotions also in order to help him. Confiding i a close friend or this website. Have you thought about introducing him to this website, he may find it a comfort to chat to people who are where he is at.
If you ever want to talk you can always talk to me and I will help in any way I can. From experience your partner will need you to be strong for him later on because now it wont seem that real. Having said that we are all different, so read his signals and just love him and support him.
Sending you big big cuddles and my thoughts are with you, your partner, his mum and all the family
Becky xxx
Ps Depending on where you live cancerbackup have offices with trained staff who can offer you support and advice, they are lovely people who will listen just as much as advise, maybe worth thinking about?
