I'm writing this as a diary and journey through this time with my sister. By blogging on here I hope people will offer me advice and maybe gain some information through these times - hopefully some light moments as well. Other reason is that depiste the fact I won handwriting competitions when (a lot) younger my handwriting is crap so I wouldn't be able to read it back ! I find it easier to write down my words to express my thoughts than to speak them out - easier to edit them before I say something stupid & trite as well. Other than that I tend to cry too much in either frustration / helplessness so now I can do this in private (shares in tissues & waterproof mascara will rocket !)
That's the explanation for now. I'm about to get down to some serious questions with the Dr/onco soon to see what's what. I couldn't ask the questions in front of my sister when the cancer was confirmed & with hindsight I wished I'd had sent my sister out with the breast care nurse and sat there myself. Since found out permission has been given for me to know everything and at first I thought this was good, but now I think - what if she hates me if I have to lie about things to keep her soldiering on. Anyway that's dark thoughts and they aren't allowed. I now know that where she goes I will be there stuck to her side like the Scarlet Pimpernel for all her appointments depsite her saying 'you don't need to come, I'll be ok'. Done this twice (& for the first diagnosis) so will NOT do this again.
That's it for now - feel better now I've started and mean to follow this through & whether it bores the pants of anybody I really don't care - this is my Sanctuary & my therapy (apart form the occasional retail therapy - charity shops & car boot / jumble sales here I come !).
