Where do i start, im writing this as it helps to write things down ,
I think half my trouble is ,when friends and family say are you ok ,i reply of course i am ,yet my heart will be breaking ,they dont understand so whats the point in telling them , if honest i cant even remember the last time my family asked me , but on here i can be honest at least as i know people will understand and it does make such a differance ,i dont feel so alone ,
I want to just say thanx to my lovely friends on chat last night ,im not going to say sorry as that breaks the rules , i dont know where those tears came from but thanx for being their for me x
I do think as some kind person pointed out yesterday i am overdoing it ,but its the only way i can cope, keeping my mind busy, i will slow down next week when this crap week is over ,
Well this week is time to remember ,its would have been my lovely hubbys birthday tommorow and i know all the first are hard but this ones hit me very hard , dont get me wrong its brought back some fab memories ,but that in turn reminds me just how much we have lost , but me being me im dragging the kids to the zoo i cant face being at home , i will go to see him in the morning while kids are sleeping and have some time, but then we will hopefully have a nice day ,quality time and picnic, and maybe even dinner out ,
I will tell you all as makes me smile , me and ju always joked it never rained on his birthday and it hasnt for the 15 years we been together ! well wont it be sods law if it rains tommorow ,i wont be blaming the weather man thats for sure :),
I still managed to end on a smile ,typical me that is ,i may be very sad and missing ju very much but i know he wants me too remember and smile and im trying my best ,
The rest of this week wont be easy either ,my sons birthday fri and sunday we would have been together 16 years , and just to keep me busy we having birthday bbq on sunday with about 20 people , that will be funny i dont even know how to light a bbq , yet another challenge but as with all the others i will do it , i just hope i keep my hair and eyebrows in the process ,if not il have great company on here :)
I will stop now and i really hope i dont make people cry again with this blog as the last couple have ,
Its time to remember and smile a lovely husband and dad xxxx
