I can not believe it will be 6 months tommorow since ju passed away in my arms, i feel so sad just like it was yesterday all those so painful memories ive worked so hard to forget have come flooding back , that last week was so devastating ,he fought so so hard and just wouldnt let go ,and ive never really spoken to anyone about those last few days as it was and still is too painful , i couldnt possibly explain it to people as its just impossible to understand unless youve been thier , ive been with lots of people as they have passed away through work but noone as young as ju ,and thats why it was so hard, apparantly when someone young dies , the spirit in them feels its wrong so causes agaitation and they hold on and fight for as long as possible ,which ju did right till the end ,
I have spent the last 6 months fighting to get us out of the devastation ju,s death had on all of us and we,ve done it , we have come out fighting , a very strong family, im a very proud mum we have had some ups and downs , but my kids are doing amazing and im doing ok too , ive got some amazing friends , but no one as yet has realised what tommorow is, but why would they ,its not their husband that died ,
I know how lucky i was , not many people find their soul mate , best friend as i did , i was one of the lucky ones ,yes my husband died and part of me died with him , but that part of me is now back , i need to be happy and be a good mum ,as that is what ju so desperatly wanted for me , he hated seeing me in pain and crying ,he hated the way his skin cancer devastated our life , and most of all he loved us all , as we did him,
So now ive got that out , i will blow my nose ,make a cuppa , and tommorow is meant to be a beautiful day ,so i will have some time alone with him in the beautiful churchyard , and as the song said that we played at his funeral. its a beautiful day :)
I hope i can think of that not the sad painful memories x
