21 weeks since I last saw, touched and talked to my lovely Ken. It is still so hard to accept that I will never do these things again,look into his eyes, hold his hand and talk to him.
I am sadder now than ever, I believe it is because as weeks go by I feel more and more lost without him, I know I won't but then I am terrified that I will one day forget his face, forget the sound of his voice, I have pictures and his voice on a tape but I want to be able to recall all the things he said and how he spoke, at the moment these things come so easily to me, thank god because at the beginning after I lost him, I couldn't seem to recall these things,now I sit and think and I can hear his voice in my head, see his expressions, everything about him. Please god never let me forget.
I don't thing I ever will because his photographs are everywhere in our house his andmine and they always will be no matter what the future brings. One of OUR songs was one called "Come What May", a eurovision song contest winner in 1972 by Vicki Leandross, It says, come what may I will love you forever and forever my heart belongs to you, come what may for as long as I'm loving I'll be living only", "come what may in a world full of changes nothing changes my love for you".
Another of our songs is "without you" by Nilson from 1972. It says "can't live if living is without you" well unfortunately I HAVE to live. Living without Ken however is not the living I want to do, I don't enjoy things I just endure them. I think things will always be like that from now on. Even if in the future I do nice things that are enjoyable. There will never be the enjoyment I felt with kEN. 39 years of love and memories can never be lost.
OH KEN WHY HAVE I LOST YOU.???????????
