Today almost over

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

18 May 2011

For some strange reason I was a bag of nerves today at the beatson once i got to the waiting room which was a different one than before I just went to jelly everything around me felt strange and the tears came even though i was just there for my pre-verifacation scan which was fine in fact when i am on that bed bolted down with my mask on is the only time i feel calm and restful ..strange or what..

anyway went to the clinic afterwards and saw a doctor i had never seen before basically just to check about my admission to ward B1 on monday where i will be getting what i found out is a higher dose just hope i dont get a higher dose of the side effects never got to see who i wanted to see

Went for lunch after with friend Brian and my daughter alison it was nice ..once home went into another flood of tears scared of the side effetcts and scared that Brian will be going home on Sunday he has to go work for a week but will be back about a week on wed ..so scared to be alone while he has gone just scared of taking side effects while i am alone ..have been ok tonight a little bit brighter ..i was reading a book from the Mac site that was at the hospital which said not everyone can be positive and that some people find it hard to cope thats me ..i am positive about my treatment but it scares me crazy dont think that will ever stop ...can i make tomorrow a day without fearing everything ?...I hope so ..I am getting christened on Friday and its not because of the cancer its something i have always wanted to do but now i am getting the chance just a very small affair and if all goes well with my treatment when i am better and my husband come here i want to get our marriage blessed as i feel it was such a short spell of happiness for us married in Jan cancer in Feb nd being apart right now is torture for me emotionaly ..plus my period has stopped since i started chemo so gues i am going through menopause its all going on lol

ok will go for the evening ..my love and best wishes go out to all you brave fighters out there send some fighting spirit my way .

God Bless

Love Jan x

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Jan,

Quite an emotional day for you and no wonder. It must be awful being separated from your husband at this time and I can understand your longing for happier days. I am sure that you have many of them ahead of you but I know everything is overshadowed at present by your upcoming treatment. Please don't feel like you aren't coping. I know we always urge you to feel strong and positive, but only because we want you to have the best possible outcome. You do have the fighting spirit Jan and as I have said before, we are with you all the way.

Have a good nights sleep,

Love and hugs,

lizzie xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Jan,

Remember one thing you are never alone even for one week we are always here, So if you start feeling down you know where to come. Although Im not a christian myself. Just to wish you all the best with your Christening on

Friday. Look after yourself. Dont forget your husband is probably going through the same torture.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Sarsfield

I know he is and that upsets be a lot and just adds to my tears my daughters think he should be here right now and as much as i want that to its not as easy as when he comes he want it to be forever and i guess i will always have the feeling of sadness until he comes .

love Jan x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hello Jan. Well done on getting through today, I know that it's not been easy for you to cope without Ken by your side.......but you are doing great. As both Lizzie and Sarsfield said, you are not totally alone with us here to keep supporting you as well as family and friends. Enjoy your Christening and gather an inner strength and peace from the service. Sleep tight and God Bless. Love, Joycee xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Jan,I just answered your Kens blog to let him know he as posted correctley,it must be terrible trying to cope without him by your side hope you are both back together as one soon ,hugs Chris.xx
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