Hi, we have recently received the devastating news that my dad has small-cell lung cancer. I am finding it incredibly hard right now to accept it, as are my mum,dad and sister not to mention my children. I work in the hospital department(though not a nurse) where he has undergone most of his tests so know more than I perhaps should or even want to. It seemed to take so long to get a diagnosis and I feel angry that it wasn't detected earlier as we know now that there is very little treatment available to him; it has spread too far! He also has other health issues which mean he is not able to have chemo so radiotherapy is the only option. He has just completed his 15th treatment so has now finished the course. I can't believe how much he has changed in the last 3 weeks...he has gone from being quite outspoken and strong to being so weak and now unable to eat and in so much pain...just doesn't seem like my dad anymore. We have been told that this is normal for the treatment that he has been given but it is so hard to imagine that he is ever going to be anything like he used to be, again. That is the hardest part, seeing him so vulnerable. He has always been such a proud man who doesn't like anyone to know his business or interfere in his life, but now it's as if he doesn't care anymore...I just wish I could do something to make it all better!! This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with; I am writing this now because it helps ease the pain a little being able to write it down. I appear calm and collected on the outside but inside the whole thing is tearing me apart and I don't know how to handle it!
Jackie
FormerMember
Very sorry to read your Blog. It must be so hard to watch everything going on, and, as you say, your professional knowledge must make it difficult as the rest of the family must be asking some difficult questions. The rapidity of these changes is very distressing to watch, and I hope that once the treatment has been completed that your Dad will be able to build himself up again, both physically andf psychologically. Hope that belonging to What Now gives you some emotional support. With very best wishes xxxx Penny
Too much information must be devastating for you. But it is the destrengthening of your father that seems worse somehow.
He is a strong person, and even if he seems to have accepted his treatment and allows these invasions of his privacy, it only shows that he can be strong enough to endure what is neccessary.
You can still talk to him. Still ask his opinion about things, ask his advice. It might help him. Just because he is so weakened, it doesn't mean he is less than what he always was. Letting him see that may make him feel better.
Perhaps if you can find out what he would like, a day out, maybe, or a family gathering, you could restore his humanity in some measure.
The more you build him up physically, and he should recover a bit, though the early weeks after Chemo are the worst, the sooner he will be like his real self.
At every stage, this is his real self, and you can let go a little. I am sure he is very proud of you for your strength, but you don't have to carry it all. You have to see him as he is now, and build from there as long as you can.
I'm not sure if I have put it very well, but I hope it helps.
Thankyou very much for your comments. I came across this site by chance and think it is a very good way of sharing views and experiences, it's so hard knowing what to say and do and wondering if you are actually making the best decisions. Now I feel able to learn a little from other people's experiences and ways of coping so that can only be for the good! Thanks again, Jackie
Thankyou very much for kind words and I get the jist of what you are saying. We have made some enquiries and are hoping to get a wheelchair for my Dad so that he can get out of the house for a while. I think he is getting depressed because he gets 'out of breath' now so quickly, so simply going to get his morning paper is not possible at the moment. We've spoken about it and he is more than happy to do this, staring at four walls all day is depressing for anyone. The shock of the news perhaps made us all a little selfish for a while and we were thinking more of how we will cope rather than considering his needs and how he feels...so thankyou for making me realise that.
