My dad has been back again today in the hope that his blood is up to his next treatment only to find out that it isn't. The drs have now decided to give him G-CSF in the form of pegylated filgrastim (Neulasta) and we are hopeful that this will bring his blood back up to where it should be so that he can continue his treatment.
I have just spoke to my dad and he was honest with me about how he is feeling about it all. He said whatever happens he is aware that this next 12 months could very much be his last but after speaking to the drs today he is more hopeful than he has been for a while. This brought us to a conversation about what happened at my mums' birthday celebrations and he told me that the dr said to him today exactly what i had said, that he looks like he has give up the fight and that he is is ready for packing in and letting the fight go.
Silly as it sounds i am glad the dr noticed it too as i now don't feel like it was just me and that i was mad in thinking that in the first place. He did ask the dr if he was fighting a losing battle now and the dr told him that it isn't over as they can still try this next step with the G-CSF.
I can honestly say right now that knowing that my dad feels more upbeat about it makes me feel better too.....is that selfish? Maybe it is, but i'm not ready to lose my dad yet, even though he has accepted the inevitable. I have to accept what he decides as it's his body and his life but that doesn't mean i have to like it, though i would never tell him so.
They also did a scan today which has shown that even though my dad has had no treatment for 3-4 weeks now, due to his low blood results, that the treatment he has had is working, albeit that he has been really ill this time.
So i would have to say that today has been productive and progressive in a way and has give my dad a new hope, and in that, i have new hope too.
Here's to next week!
