Like my bio says, I've recently been told that my nana has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I've never lost anyone close to me, and I still have all my grandparents, so this is an extremely new experience. Up until a day ago, i was a normal teenager, who thought things like break-ups and detention meant the end of the world. Now it all seems so small, everything feels like nothing in comparison, which i suppose it is. Now for me, heartbroken has taken on a completely new level of meaning. It literally feels like my heart has dried up and crumbled to the pit of my stomach. I'm experiencing emotional pain, in physical form and it's made me hit rock bottom. The reason i decided to join this group, is because I'm not very good at speaking to people in person about my feelings. I prefer hearing advice from people who know nothing about me, but know how to deal with the situation I'm in. My nana has been a consistent smoker from a very young age, and has had problems with her chest from many years. I've always seen her as strong willed, even though she's always been so very frail. I remember from around the age of 7 i'd stay up half the night listening to make sure she was ok. Her sleep would consist of heavy breathing and then cut out into silence for around an hour or so. Even then i always thought nothing bad will ever happen to her, she's my nana, and i've always expected her to be here. When someone has been around from the beginning of your life, you see it fit for them to be there till the end of your life. But in reality, that is never the case, is it? And even then, when loved ones go, you want them to be happy and at ease, no pain involved. Whereas for my nana, the cancer is destroying her, causing her pain. She has not yet started treatment and at the moment i'm not sure if she's going to. My nana has always believed that even after death, the people she loved have been around her, and occasionally give her a little sign. Now before this, i thought she was just a crazy old nana, but now all i can do is hope she's right. On the 10/05/12 i saw my older sister cry for the first time, she cried in the arms of my mum and myself. When we were first told the news, the words i heard where 'lung cancer' after that, the only thing i could hear was my heart thudding in my ears. I'm terrible with words, and all i could manage to do was stare through the window, with my mouth gaping wide open. I'm worried for what the future is going to hold, i hope to keep this blog as up to date as possible.
