I am 24 and i want to talk to people that are going through a similar thing. For about 18 months i wasnt well always at the doctors wiv something wrong, my boyfriend of 5 years said i was a hyperchrondiac (if thats how its spelt), but i knew something wasnt right. I constantly caught colds, sick bugs you name it i had it. The doctor wasnt too concerned though but thinking back maybe she should have been. Im a young girl, a bit overweight but ate healthy and exercised.
Maybe six months ago i went to the doctor and said ive got a lump in the right side of my neck, you could feel this lump it was closer to my shoulder than my head. The doc said its a gland it will go down. In sep my friend asked me did i have a love bite on my neck and when i looked i seen that under the lump had become discoloured. I thought nothing of it, Then in oct i wasnt well again and it was what i could call a bit like depression, no energy no motivation jus down in the dumps i went the docs so she signed me off work and decided to have this lump looked in to.
First i had an x ray that was inconclusive, then i had an ultrasound and i just knew something wasnt right, i had gone on me own and the girl was scanning for ages then she went and got a consultant he didnt say anything he just checked the girls notes. I came home and i was worried but hey still in good spirits to hide the worry. That was the tuesday, wednesday went by and i never heard anything so i thought im ok, im worry too much. In work on thursday lunch time and my mobile rings it was the docs and sure enough it was them words the doc wants you to come in and see her tomorow. You didnt have to be einstein to know what was coming.
Friday morning i goes to me appointment, me mum decided to come. The doc tried to say that something supsicious had been found but i aint soft so she showed me the report and sure enough the consutant had said he would suggest in his specialist opion that this was thyroid carcinona. Well i didnt know what to say or how to act. I came home phoned me boyf, phoned work and then me, me mum and me nan and gramps went to the market and out for lunch. Very odd.
The next two weeks were a blur, specialist consultants, blood tests, biopsys, ct scan, needles, injections, cameras up me nose. Then came the surgeon consultant he said your ops next week. I nearly shit me pants, excuse the language, i didnt want this and i didnt want an op before xmas. But sure enough on 18th dec 2008 was the day of my op. I went in at 7:30am and i waited till 5pm for the op, i was going mad, i had 10mg of diazepan which should of knocked me out but it never. I was in theatre for 6hours they removed the whole of my thyroid and all my lymph nodes because the cancer had spread to them and was growing quicker in them. Hospital was hell, the nurses were horrible and i hate needles.
Anyway here i am nearly three weeks later, ive been through the mill, ive had an infection and i couldnt swollow. Ive ahted every second of it. Im now awaiting radio active iodine treatment.
Sorry this is all so long but i want to talk to people who have had the same or feel the same. I jus need some guidance.
I wanna know why me?? Im so angry at meself and every one round me. It doesnt seem fair, I hate it all and i dont wanna feel like this. Do others feel like this?? please get in touch!!!
FormerMember
I feel for you from the bottom of my heart - so young to have been through so much, I'm not surprised you are feeling angry and that things are unfair. Life is bloody unfair sometimes.
I can't really help except to offer lots of hugs because I am of a totally different generation - I'm 74 and have just had a brush with breast cancer. I do realise how fortunate I am to have reached this age and not had anything like you have to contend with - I truly feel angry myself when I see how very many young people there are on here going through hell.
I hope someone else will come along soon who can perhaps be of more comfort to you but if you can get it in the UK without paying vast sums of money (I live in NZ) I would if I were you be looking at going to see a counsellor, you have had a shitty time and sometimes talking it through with someone not emotionally involved can be a great help in seeing the wood from the trees - if you've heard that expression.
I worked as a counsellor for many years and I do know that lots of people benefit from talking things through as I said above.
Love to you, even though I don't know you I can see a little bit where you are coming from - you are a bit younger than my grandaughter, I think the way you have written your blog is wonderful and painted a complete picture of how you are feeling.
I know how you must be feeling. I was diagnosed with Lymphoma in 2005. When I had my op to remove the lymph node in my neck they discovered that my thyroid was cancerous as well but only removed half of it, so fortunately I have not had to have Thyroxine. I must be really tough for you right now but here you can let all you emotions out and no-one will judge you for feeling the way you do as we have all been through this in some form or another. My motto is to take one day at a time and try not to dwell on the what if's as they can get you down (which we are entitled to be).
Take care and sending you (((((((((((HIUGS)))))))))))
thankyou both for your messages i appreciate them, i feel like i cant do right for doing wrong i go back to see my consultant on the 19th of this month so i will voice my concerns with him.
Yesterday i told my mum how i feel and she said you have to pick yourself up and not think like that but its easier said than done and i would love to be 100 % postive but its not that easy.
