Medical sentences typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater GLASGOW ...Mick

3 minute read time.

These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.



4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive..

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but pr esent.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant..

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Brilliant!  Haven't laughed so much for a few days!  I love things like this. 

    Thanks for sharing.

    Pilly  :)

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Pilly Thanks for your comment .

    I have tons of stuff on the Group  "Laughter is the best Medicine" I'm afraid you will have to Join as ADMIN reconds I " Sail close to the wind " with some of my Shitte .

    Hope to see you around .

    Mick

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Mick

    Great!  Now, would you mind posting directions for 'idiots' on how to find and join this group?  I need my daily fix of jokes and whatnots at work!

    All the very best

    Georgia

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Georgia ,thanks for your welcome message and I'm told by Admin that if you click on groups at the very top of the page then you type in the Search box {Laughter is the best Medicine ) and click on that . you can now click on Join. BUT BEWARE I had to go Private as I tended to Quote " Fly Close to the Wind" unquote. Ifyou Have any trouble contact me or Admin. Hope you will enjoy my Shitte.

    Regards Mick